My Faith journey

What If...

2010-05-16T10:52:00.002+08:00

Had a chance to spend some time with mom while waiting for bro to return home as it's the day when our domestic helper get a day off. So bro basically takes over the role of taking care of mom for the day.

As i was just sitting there enjoying the music together with mom (the radio was on...) she suddenly cried. These are the times that really make me feel very emotional. Especially when i'm not feeling that well myself. I suddenly had a lot of raw emotions flowing towards me again and many questions popped out as usual. I've decided to document them here, just in case God decides to be kind and answer them for me...

Title: What If...
What if you're a person who is very outgoing and sociable only to find that at the end of the day, you're all alone in your room by yourself most of the time...

What if you're a chatty person only to find that at the end of the day, you loses your ability to talk...

What if you're a person who loves music but at the end of the day that's your only companion...

What if you love eating and enjoying all kinds of food that's out there only to find that milk was your only staple food...

What if you're having a headache one day and faints only to find out that when you wake up you're in a hospital bed...

What if you wake up everyday wanting to get out of bed only to realize that you can't move anymore because your other half of the body is paralyze...

What if you can't do anything anymore by yourself and need others to help you what will your response be...

What if you are unable to express yourself in anyway, will you give up on trying to communicate with your love ones...

What if 5 years down the road you're still doing the same old thing every single day and that includes lying on your bed and looking up into the sky... what will you be thinking...

What if you're own dad committed suicide and everyone else is keeping a secret from you because they don't wanna upset you how will you feel...

What if you can't attend your own dad's funeral... how would that be...

What if you're not so strong...

What if God doesn't speak anymore...

What if... what if...

Like A Rose

2009-11-18T16:45:00.003+08:00

Recently i'm sure some of u noticed that i'm SUPER into a1's music again... I have been flooding my fb with their links and all.

I've been asking myself why do i like them so much, well i guess it's cos they really do bring me down my memory lane. They have been part of my childhood. A group that their songs my bro n i sing to when we were younger. Their song reminded me of all the happy times i spent with my mom when she was well... seriously i don't know what else to say...

For the past few days, i mean starting from this week i've been feeling really down. Mainly bcos i was let go from my project with Jack Neo. The reason they gave me was because for the coming week the shoots are going to be tiring and demanding. They want me to take care of my health first, because i've been falling sick quite a bit these days because of my previous viral infection.

Seriously speaking, i totally understand where they were coming from, becos it's a fact that we are severely short handed and i feel bad everytime i need to rest or even apply leave. But for me personally, i've always been very sensitive when it comes to my health. I always feel that once people know that i have leukemia, they'll look at me differently.

Whenever i fill up application forms for jobs, when they come to the health section, they will ask for a doctor's letter to prove that i'm fit for work. To me i feel really hurt when i have to do that. I don't know if you guys know what i'm talking about, but personally i feel what's wrong?!?!? Doesn't mean i'm not fit rite? It's just leukemia! That's how i see it though...

And what's more is that even though i know i'm sick, i always give my 150 percent in all the things that i do. I try not to give problems... (If i did, i'm sorry.) I'm not angry that they let me go, but just upset that the reason they gave was bcos of my health n all. I mean it will be so much easier for me to accept the fact that i didn't perform up to standard or something.

My bro told me, this world and society is very "REAL". We are working for them n not them working for us. But all in all, i still do look forward to furture projects with them. I'm just unlucky this time cos i haven't got the time to fully recuperate from my viral infection, but i'm sure at the end of the year's project i'll be fine.

Pls do pray along with me k? :D

Anyway back to topic, like i said i've been feeling really down these days bcos of that, but today when i listened to a1's song Like A Rose, ironically, it reminded me of God. And somehow i felt sooooooo comforted. :)

Let me share with u why... here's the lyrics to the song.

Like A Rose
Written By: Ben Adams, Mark Read and Paul Marazzi

And as I look into your eyes
I see an angel in disguise
Sent from god above
For me to love
To hold and idolise

And as I hold your body near
I'll see this month through to a year
And then forever on
Til life is gone
I'll keep your loving near

And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Just like a rose

And when I feel like hope is gone
You give me strength to carry on
Each time I look at you
There's something new
To keep our loving strong

I hear you whisper in my ear
All of the words I long to hear
Of how you'll always be
Here next to me
To wipe away my tears

And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

And though the seasons change
Our love remains the same
You face the thunder
When the sunshine turns to rain
Just like a rose

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You opened doors I closed
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

Basically i feel that the song points me to God, the chorus especially reminded me that this is how God allows me to grow and how i am loved by Him. Maybe i'm thinking too much, but i'm always thankful because this is how God speaks to me most of the time when i'm feeling very very down. I mean, why do i only listen to their song now? Rite? I haven't touched their song for the past 4 years or so, so everything do happen for a purpose.

I guess through this lonely journey, i can only depend on my Lord and He'll understand. Though i don't understand y, but i'm sure that a few months down when i look back at this incident, i'll give thanks and know that I've been blessed due to the circumstances. Don't u agree with me? :D

PS: Ben said this was their lamest MTV so far... haha n i totally agree! lol... XD

God Bless u all my friends!
Dory~

A1 - Take Me Home

2009-11-16T02:08:00.002+08:00

Scroll down for music! :D

As some of u whom have known me since like 10 years ago would know that my favourite boyband then was A1... But after their 3rd album, they disbanded and i guess it was becos Paul left the group for some personal reasons.

I was REALLY sad at that time, but as time passed by, i didn't feel as sad, just felt that it was a pity that they weren't around the music scene anymore...

Then for the past 2 years, i found out that my favourite member, Ben Adams was still producing music and singing, so i got really excited. Too bad i couldn't get his cd, cos i gotta buy it online, which i don't know how... (I'm not a very tech savy person)

But here's the song that i really like... Sorry

And then just this year, there were news that A1 are getting back together (Ben, Mark and Christian only) for a end of year concert in i forgot where (i can't be bothered cos i'm very upset that i can't go cos it's no where near asia!!!) and i was happy that they were active again...

Then just recently, THEY RELEASED A SINGLE!!!! A1 is BACK!

I am so so so so happy! Recently they performed live at X-Factor and they really did mature and improved alot alot alot... Take a look for yourself... Mark's voice is so mesmerising... :D

Here's some of the old videos of them... hope u'll enjoy and hopefully it'll bring back some memories for u guys. :)

Ready Or Not

One More Try

Caught In The Middle

And the MOST classic of all No More! Cos it's shot in Singapore's Tang Dynasty. COOL!

That's the entertainment for this week! Hope u'll like it! God Bless!

Dory~

Where Got Ghost!

2009-11-16T01:22:00.002+08:00

Scroll down for music!!! :)

One of the thanks giving that i have for this year is to have the chance to work with Jack Neo for his movie, "Where Got Ghost".

It was really an eye opener for me, in terms of the working world as well as the 'spiritual side'. As the title tells it all, it's a ghost story. We went to lots of places to shoot, it was truly enjoyable, but yet at the same time it was a lot of hard work.

We were in the kampong, the forest, houses and hostel. Basically everywhere! Met a lot of ppl and learnt a lot. I never had the chance to learn all the things that i've learnt in school... sorry to say, i don't think u'll ever get to learn unless u get hands on from the industry itself.

It was God's favour that i even had the chance to work with them. Because i never imagine that my first project will be with Jack Neo. :)

Here's some pic with some ppl...

This is Leonard, He is the 2nd AD(assistant director) as well as the conti and script supervisor. A very difficult position i feel, cos u'll need to multitask. (Which i'm not very good at... lol) He taught me a lot along the way and i'm thankful that i can learn from him... :D

This is Vecce, she's the makeup artist for this project, who is my very good friend now... :)

This is Qian Yi da ge, he is truly a great actor. Super devoted i feel. :)

This is Tony, he is a new actor working with Jack Neo. He bought us mangosteen and durian during our shoot... super nice guy. :)

This is Yin Yin, the super cute and bubbly actress... super nice to talk to n fun to hang out with too... :D

Wang Lei da ge...

Ah Nan da ge... This pic has a story behind it... just to cut it short, it's a request from 'someone' haha and here it is for YOU! :)

This is Xing Ang, he's an actor plus a photographer for the shoot... the photos that he take is NICE! :D

Yamin

This is Li Ming Yi, a very humble and soft spoken lady. Reminds me of grandma... :)

This is Boris! He's the other Director for the show. He is also a script writer, there are many shows from mediacorp that are his stories... so he's like someone i look up too... :)

This is Jennifer... Those of u who watched the show and wonder who is the ghost in red? Well... here she is! haha she's actually a 16 years old teenager, pretty rite? :)

Last but not least, Jack Neo and me! :D

Here's the trailer... PLEASE support the show!!! DvD is out in stores! XD

HP Trailer

Official Trailer

As of now, i'm working with them once again for the upcoming new year movie called 'Being Human'. Be sure to catch them in cinemas k?

Dory~

Some Entertainment ^_^

2009-11-06T05:27:00.002+08:00

Scroll to the bottom for music! :)

Recently, i've been hooked n yes i mean HOOKED onto this group... Though i've been listening to their music and kinda like them, but ever since their full Jap album, i fell in love instantly... haha yes i know i'm bias... but then again that makes me me rite? :)

Here's a few of my favourites... ENJOY!

Gara Gara Go

声をきかせて (I so love GD and TOP's image here... :D and i totally love Daesung's vocals... ^^)

Lollipop Dance Routine (I wanna dance! :))

Lollipop Mv

Where U At (This is Taeyang their lead vocalist)

Heartbreaker (He's my favourite amongst them! :) G-Dragon/ GD=Good... lol )

Breathe (I love this set! Cos it's keyboard!!! :))

This group has fan aflame my passion for dance once again... And i've decided! That my next year's wardrobe shall be COLOURFUL!!! haha neon bright bright colours!!! :) Look forward to it!

Dory~

April Bride

2009-11-06T04:49:00.002+08:00

Before i start my entry... SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR MUSIC!!! lol XD

Not so long ago, i went to watch this real story adapted movie April Bride with my friends...

Before the movie was shown in the cinemas, i overheard it being advertised on Yes933 a local radio channel. My initial thoughts were " Oh yeah! another jap movie, i'm so gonna watch it." But as i hear on, my thoughts were " I don't believe that such a guy exist. It's just a fairytale..."

Here's the synopsis...
On April 5, 2007, a couple married in a church. At first glance, it was a typical wedding. The bride (Nana Eikura), however, was suffering from late-stage breast cancer and had been given only a month to live.

If you guys plan to watch this movie, i shall not disclose too much about it. But to sum it all up, i am very encouraged by it. This is the first movie that the SET itself helped me to belief the scene and it helped evoke emotions. And also, each character was played by the actors carefully... nothing was dramatized, just as it is according to the story.

After watching the movie, i came home and searched all about Chie Nagashima. To me, she is really a heroine. Someone whom i look up to. Seriously she says the most profound things that you and i never thought about. The statement she made that made me remember till this day was "What do you do everyday? - Live." Sooooooooo many ppl cried when they heard this. To be able to live is a blessing in itself. To be able to see the blue sky, to walk by the streets and to feel the breeze is a blessing in itself.

I've been using this phrase a lot lately and that is to count your blessings. Don't compare what you don't have, but what you already have and be happy about it.

If you guys are really interested in this story and can't wait for the DVD to be out, can try searching for Chie Nagashima on youtube, you'll find the REAL documentary on the REAL couple and her journey on her last month in her battle with cancer.

If only she's still alive... There are things that i wanna share with her for the love that God has for her...

And it's bcos of her that i've decided to 'try' to make my blog a little more 'alive' cos who knows i might leave behind a story like hers when my time comes... :)

Dory~

Minor Changes to my lovely blog :D

2009-11-06T04:04:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone! Just wanna let u guys know that i've did some minor changes to my blog. Actually wanted a total revamp but then, i didn't find a blogskin that i like n i STILL doesn't know HTML so i can't design one myself...

But anyways, i still love this blogskin, so i will stick with it for a while... I've added my tweet board and also SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR MUSIC!!!! This is very impt, i would like to share the music that i love with everyone... :D

Till then! God Bless!

Project P

2009-07-27T08:16:00.003+08:00

It's really been some time since i've last updated my blog... Anyway recently i was involved in my church ministry's young adults concert. I was the Emcee and i sang 2 songs, one as a backup vocalist and my own solo segment.

To be really frank, i was really stressed out by it. Partly because of my job that i have just started, and i had to prepare for this concert. You see, i've shared my testimony that, so that means i actually had to do up the video myself. I'm working with a laptop, cos my desktop at home crushed and no one bothered fixing it... :( so everytime i load the programme to do editing plus importing n exporting files, it lags my lap top so badly. But glory to God and thanking Him that everything went well in the end...

Here's the video that i did. Hope u guys will like it.

And so their journey begins...

2009-06-11T17:51:00.005+08:00

YES!!! My bro is married!!!!

30th May... A day to remember. My brother who's 27 is officially married to my sis in law, Charmaine. :D I still remember the day that they first met. And how they as a couple has impacted me in one way or another...

Let's talk about Charmaine first. Initially, i didn't know how to "communicate" with her. I think it's also because of my background and all. I still remember the first time we met, we went for a hair cut together. We wanted to have some bonding time together. After the hair cut we went to have lunch (or dinner... cannot really remember the details though) and she bought pig organ soup. Haha... Funny rite? I thought maybe she didn't know i don't eat pork or something, so i didn't mind, but when we started having a conversation about aunty (char's mom) not eating pork also then she remembered i don't eat them too... lol It's really funny thinking back now...

To cut the long story short, i really tried my best to "relate" to her in many ways, and i know she's trying too, talking about things that i'll be interested in. I'm thankful, that she has the heart to want to know me better. :)

To me, charmaine is really special. I won't say we r VERY VERY close, but from what i observe and what kor write about her in his blog, i'm thankful. Because of mom and all, i know that there's this "emptiness" in us. And Charmaine is able to fill up this "emptiness" in kor. By encouraging him and loving him. Seeing him as who he is and accepts him.

I thank God for Charmaine, and i look forward to the times we spend together as a family now my 大嫂! :)

Than lets talk about my dear kor kor now... He has always been my support, someone whom i can depend on and talk serious stuff as well as rubbish with. I enjoy the times spent with him. I still remember those times that i'll be in his room, he'll be doing his work n i'll be doing mine, though many times i complaint that he doesn't talk to me and i'm the one always initiating it, but i'm still thankful that he is there...

When he first shifted out, i was really not used to it. Suddenly i had no one to talk to at home... It saddens me, but looking back now, i know God made used of this time for me to grow. Through their years of courtship, i guess it was a period for me to learn how to let go and grow up.

So what's my after thoughts? Haha... frankly speaking, i don't know... I'm just full of thanks giving and praise. We will see how ba... Both of them r on their honey moon now. So when they come back there will be more updates! :)

Let's take a look at more photos now... :D

This is my beloved CG mates. :) It's funny how i went around catching up with alot of ppl during my bro's wedding... It's a lot of fun too. Happy to see those whom i've not met for a long long time too...

The lovely WEB ladies!

My lovely jie meis... Pretty rite? Rongma and Faye Jie

Me and the girlys! :)

Haha... Kel Choo (someone whom i used to call 大舅)

Another couple who is very special and dear to me... thank you for everything! :)

This is Euphe! Haha my design buddy whom i can talk about the industry with...

This is tim and guoren... the guys that i went on my first mission trip with. :)

This is my mei mei Eunice! We should meet up soon n catch up too!

This is Guan Hua and Sharon and her bf.

Willie! Hahahaha... A very dear brother too... Jia you jia you in all that u do. Don't tire urself too much also.

This is ami! My lovely lady boss while i was an intern at her place. :)

Such a pretty cake rite!!!

And last but not least my kor and charmaine!!!

So to end of this post, here's a song that me and Charlene (charmaine's sis) wrote together for the couple. We don't have a demo yet, but it's on it's way... Hope u'll be blessed by the lyrics...

Our Father's Perfect Plan

G D
When the boy was just an old teen(8)
G D

The Lord reached out to save him,(7)
G D

God's gentle love unveiled his eyes(8)
C A
And soon he realised(6)

G D
The Lord has a good plan for him (8)
G D
Though there's trials all around (7)
G D
In God's will he surrenders all (8)
C A
Christ the Lord is pleased with him (7)

Chorus

D A
We ask of you dear Father (7)
G D
To be their strength’s supply (6)
G D
In obedience, eternally (8)
G A
May their life’s praise edify (7)

D A
Dear Papa Lord, let them love you (8)
G D
And in Your love abide (6)
G D
To build a happy Family (8)
G D
Lord Jesus, be their guide (6)

Verse 2
G D
Then one day she was praying, (7)
G D

"Dear God please lead in my life" (7)
G D
She learns to love through God's eyes (8)
C A
And soon she realised (6)

G D
That God can be her lover (7)
G D
And in His perfect plan for her (7)
G D
The boy who chased God’s heart with her (8)
C A
Has softly plunged in love (6)

Chorus 2

D A

A lovely bride so sweet and pure,(8)
G D
To love and cherish forever more(8)
G D
In prayer he thanks Thee joyfully(8)
G A
He praises God for her(6)

D A

A groom in shining armour bright(8)
G D
To be her pillar and strong support(8)
G D
She'll trust Your plan and rest in peace(8)
G A
She'll love God's masterpiece(6)

D A
We ask of you dear Father (7)
G D
To be their strength’s supply (6)
G D
In obedience, eternally (8)
G A
May their life’s praise edify (7)

D A
Dear Papa Lord, let them love You (8)
G D
And in Your love abide (6)
G D
To build a happy Family (8)
G D
Lord Jesus, be their guide (6)

End
G D
May You bless and love them more and more (9)
G D
Let them testify Your love (7)

That's all! Have a blessed week ahead! :D

I love you my dear mommy...

2009-05-09T02:20:00.003+08:00

I Never Knew...

I never knew that i'll miss your bubbly nature,
I never knew that i'll miss your hearty laughter,
I never knew that i'll miss your nosy wonder,
I never knew that i'll miss your naggy lecture.

How i wish i could turn back time,
To a place where i can show my gratitude towards you.
How i wish i could stop the clock,
And cherish the moments that we spent together.
How i wish i could look into your eyes,
And not show a single sign of sorrow.
How i wish i could sincerely say,
Mommy, I really love you.

I never knew how to cherish you
I never knew how to respect you
I never knew how to say i'm sorry
I never knew that i'll regret all that i do...

It's been 4 years plus since mom fell and became ill. It took me great courage to write this entry. For the past 4 years, i'm usually touchy whenever "mothers" are the topic. I haven't been able to talk to anyone properly about how i felt for the past 4 years, because it hurts... and it hurts real bad.

So y am i doing it now? Well, recently, i've attended the women's breakthru weekend organised by my church. To cut the long story short, i've met God during the camp and one of the many issues that i have to deal with is regarding my mom.

Actually, i don't think alot of you know. My mom fell 4 years plus ago and had a brain haemorrhage causing her to have a stroke and therefore, she's immoble and she's not able to talk and eat due to the tube she has in her throat and her stomach. She fell when i was half way going through my first year in NAFA. I was 17 then...

Mommy was the pillar of support in the family. Only thing was we didn't knew till the time she became ill. When she fell, alot of things at home changed. (I won't go into details) All in all, i didn't have a female figure at home whom i can consult with and life wasn't easy for me.

My relationship with my mom is just like any typical mother and daughter. We do our shopping together, we talk about boys and even quarrel at times. I wouldn't say that we r not close, but it's true that my bro and my mom r closer. But she's always the one to accompany me to the hospital for my checkups, pray for me and took care of me when ever i'm down with a fever and stuff. And i'm really happy and thankful for that. Apart from all the house chores, she works too. She was a kindergarden supervisor.

Ever since mom fell, she's missed out on alot of things. She wasn't there or rather she cannot be there for my 18th and 21st birthday. (If u ask what's my birthday wish, it will definately be for her to be healthy again.) She missed out on my first internship, my convocation (i didn't knew that my secondary school graduation will be her last), my first bone marrow test without sedation, my 2nd admission to the hospital, etc...

I don't know if u guys will understand how i feel. But my mom, she's alive. But to me, she seems as though she's suffering... I am thankful that God has sustain her thus far, but to go into her bed room everyday to greet her is something that hurts me everyday. She can't respond well to the things i say. I only share happy things with her, bcos i don't want to add on to her burdens and her pain. Many times when i say bye bye to her because i'm leaving, she'll cry. I don't know what she's thinking and i don't know what she wants.

There were so many times when i asked God, why, why me? and why my mom? i never got the answer... so i thought it'll be good if i could just bury the sorrow and pain deep down inside my heart and try not to touch it.

But during breakthru, God spoke to me.
Through Isaiah 55
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

I am reminded that the past 4 year plus that mom was ill wasn't wasted. The time that past by isn't wasted. Though through this 4 years, because of the emptiness that i felt has lead me astray away from God, but He spoke to me and reminded me that He is faithful. All i had to do is to trust Him. These were the take home verse that God gave me during the breakthru weekend...

Hosea 2:14-15
"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt."

God has promised me hope, He promised that i'll be able to be joyful like i was when mom was well. Together we can rejoice together. I'm waiting for that time to come. And when it does, i know that Mom and I will be such a powerful testimony that we can reach out to more ppl and share more with our love ones the love that God can give, the hope and the promises that God has for everyone.

Mother's Day is coming. I know that i won't be feeling as sad as i was before. I know i don't have to force myself to smile anymore. Because i have faith in Christ who strengthens me. From deep within, my comfort comes from my Lord.

Mommy, i wanna say, Thank you. Thank you for all that you've done... Though u won't be able to see my blog entry, but i'll tell u face to face. I love you. From now on, you can depend on me and trust in God. I know His timing is perfect, that His desire for us is more wonderful than we can imagine. Let's continue to pray and surrender to Him. I'm looking forward to the day when u can say "Amen" together with me in an audible voice. I thank God for you. There's no one that can replace u mommy... :)

Wanna wish you a happy mother's day. And get well soon... :)

Some Updates...

2009-04-27T00:05:00.002+08:00

Starting on the 28th April i'll be officially BUSY for the next month or so, cos i'll be working... :) Can't tell u guys much now, but i will next time...

anyway i'm really happy that through a link, i was able to find Ning Kam's rendition of amazing grace, so i thought i'll be able to share it with u guys... here it is. Hope u'll be blessed by it as much as i did... :)

Have a blessed month ahead! i may not be able to update my blog as frequently as i want to... :D But i'll miss u all!!!

252 Signal Of Life

2009-04-25T02:11:00.002+08:00

I've been a fan of japanese dramas and movies for a very long time, and i'm such a fan that no matter if it's a stupid show or not i will still watch it. But recently i've watched the BEST japanese movie ever (though i believe there will be more in the future). But seriously speaking I LOVE THIS SHOW! It's called 252 Signal of Life. There's no cool characters or what so ever, but i would say that the plot kept me engaged in the entire movie. Though the movie is a little long, but i couldn't feel it. :) What is the story about? Well, i don't wanna spoil the show for you, so i'll just give u a short summary of it...

(credits http://encorefilms.com/252/)

The Plot
A few weeks after a gigantic earthquake struck Tokyo. Metropolitan Tokyo is slowly beginning to function again. But the temperature of the Pacific Ocean suddenly increases after the earthquake, causing a tremendous typhoon. The largest typhoon ever in Japan heads towards Tokyo with devastating force. The tidal wave generated by the typhoon covers the coastal city area with water. The Tokyo Fire Department dispatches its elite rescue unit, Hyper Rescue, and their sonar picks up a signal from underwater. Beneath the ground, in one devastated subway station, there is someone sending out a code which is known to rescuers only…

“252… 252…” – “We have survivors!”

"252" is the rescue code that means "There are survivors." Somebody who knows the rescue protocol is trapped underground! The rescuers, the survivors and their families all pray for their loved ones' safe return. In the extreme situation, a rescue party tries to save the survivors at the risk of their own lives. In the face of death, a daring rescue operation is to be carried out, intersecting with many dramas of family, love, pride, and human life…

The movie depicts the endeavors of humans in the extreme conditions in the aftermath of a disaster. Another focus of the movie is the Hyper Rescue, the fire department's special rescue unit. This is the first movie ever to depict the specialists in action. For authenticity, the Tokyo Fire Department 8th Division Hyper Rescue Unit helped in the principal photography. With their cooperation, the movie features realistic and detailed rescue operations. For the Tokyo flood sequence, exterior sets of a train terminal and subway station were constructed. Tremendous amounts of water were poured onto the sets to create a flash flood, achieving the horror of a flood that can't be depicted with the CG. CG was used in the scenes of tidal waves swallowing up the Tokyo bay area to actualize the awesome force of nature.

The movie started with a verse, if my memory didn't fail me it should be this...
"And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth. And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth." - Genesis 9:12-17

And just a few weeks ago i actually posted this on my blog too... Isn't it coincidental?

After the show, i was very much reminded of what a missionary in Japan told me, Japanese gets disheartened easily. Therefore they lost their confidence in God, they lose hope. I remember the year when the Tsunami hit, many lives were lost and many of us were questioning God WHY?!? Many lost hope... Even the recent Sichuan Earthquake, many natural disaster that hit different places throughout the years. It left many questions hanging... But then again, i still wanna let you guys know, God cares and He does love you. There are many questions that i don't know myself too, but that's what faith is anyways rite? :D

This movie set my mind thinking, not in the bad way, but in the good way... In the movie u see so many stories going on, your relationship with your family, brotherhood, kinship, love and choices. I've never felt so "intense" before while watching the movie... Till this day i'm still thinking and digesting the movie. maybe i'll share more on my after thoughts when i put my thinkings together.

Anyway here's the trailer hope u'll enjoy it... and seriously, this movie is a MUST WATCH!!!!! I highly recommend you to watch it... :)

and here's the link to the official website, in english and japanese. :) Have a blessed week ahead!!!

Cries in a distance VS Trust in Me

2009-04-19T02:04:00.004+08:00

This is a song written by JJ Lin called Cries in a distance... i still remembered on the 2nd day that JJ released his sixology album, i was hospitalized bcos of the side effects of my clinical trial. It was a time that i spent in the hospital alone in pain and all, apart from God's word and worship songs, JJ's new album kept me company in the hospital. I was listening to this song again n again and it kinda spoke to me quite deeply. The song reminded me of the holocaust, for those of u who don't know what a holocaust is u can find the info here even though i myself don't know much about the holocaust, i did hear about it from different ones, esp in the show freedom writers.

anyway back to topic, so the lyrics reminded me of the holocaust, and one of the victim who faced holocaust was ann frank. she was a child that had to escape and hide inorder to survive. cries in a distance reminded me of her, it might be a sad song, but i think JJ was trying to deliver a message that is farther than just wars that are going around in this world and how children are affected and stuff...

here's his song, he doesn't have a mv for this song, but a friend of mine who is very talented edited this video... enjoy!

Cries In A Distance
music and lyrics：JJ Lin Jun Jie

Cries in a distance
Can't stop the tremble
I'm just awaiting my turn
Hiding will never
Save me forever
The guns gonna get me for sure

Dear God I pray why won't you be my friend
Come to me and take my hand
Like mama would say
Everything will be okay

All I hear is 3 2 1
The scream from the guns
And then 1 by 1
No one gets to run
Someone's dad or mom
Sister, brother and son
No... no...

All I feel is 1 2 3
My tears start to bleed
Smell of roses on my feet

I feel sore...
I fall...
I call...
I crawl...

I was doing my quiet time one night and i suddenly felt prompted to write some lyrics. And i ask the Lord, what should i write about? And i don't know y, God reminded me of this song that JJ wrote. So immediately i took out my handphone n jot down whatever lyrics that came to mind. And suprisingly, i wrote the lyrics in less then 5 mins... Here you go, hope it blesses you. :)

Trust in Me
music: JJ Lin lyrics: Dorothy

Though there's cries in a distance
You can't stop the tremble
You're not alone on this road
Hiding will never save you forever
But prayer will bring you hope

Dear child i say why won't you trust in me
Come to me and hold my hands
Like your mama will say everything will be okay

Cos my love for you is 321
That's more than enough
And than one by one
No one will get passed
Not your dad or mom, sister brother and friends
No... No...

On the day that I died 123
I rose from the dead
No more tears that will be shed

You're set free
You're happy
Trust in Me
I'm yours!

I actually passed a copy of this lyrics to JJ, hope he read it and will continue to write music like this to reach out to different ones. :) 加油！

Stand Up

2009-04-15T03:07:00.002+08:00

Recently, i've fell in love with this song, but the thing is i don't really understand... so it'll be so nice if someone can help me translate...

anyway here it is, it's by LEAD. They are my favourite Jap group since i was in sec 2? That's a long time ago man... haha hope u guys will enjoy as much as i do. They've really really improved alot, in terms of vocals and all. Pls enjoy...

here's another song of them when they were like so much younger... haha hope u will enjoy this too... :)

after watching the videos, it made me realized something. I think dance routines evolves over the years. Like look at the steps for boy bands back in the late 90s and now... it's not even 10 years apart n they've changed so much. Well i guess nothing stays the same... haha but let me tell u something... God does. :)

Have a blessed week ahead!

Weird Stuff

2009-04-14T03:42:00.002+08:00

This is going to be a really short post... well as the title said, weird stuff and indeed alot of weird stuff happened this month.

I don't think u'll believe me, but then again i still wanna tell u guys. my dad, he is aspiring to be a magician, so he has all kinds of props at home and i do mean ALL KINDS! From cards, to ropes, to bottles, cans, cups, balls, whatever u name it he has it... So recently he just bought a few white mice (fake of course) back to his collection and a toy gun. Well to me it's weird, cos normally you only see small boys buying toy guns back, but well he is my dad... And actually in his collection, there are like cockroaches too (fake again of course).

Can you imagine where ever u go u see those things laying around, it still freaks you out, and all along i've hate it. But let me tell u something good about having fake cockroaches around your house. it trains your "dan", well as most ppl would know, most girls or even guys are afraid of cockroaches. but recently, i've realised the sight of real roaches doesn't give me the creeps anymore. and just this week, i've killed 2. YES! I KILLED 2 ROACHES!!!! Not with insecticide but with my hands... I just rolled up any news paper n smacked it. I don't think my bro is capable of that, haha but than again i need to thank my dad for his "props" if not i wouldn't have dared to do it i'll just scream as usual n run out of my room or something...

So this is the first weird stuff that i wanna share about... what's the second? Well, in the month of april, i've already witness 4 accidents (as in car accidents). Can u imagine? How lucky can one get? I shan't further elaborate on the accidents, but i was just reflecting and i've realized i've witness 4 accidents. Yup so that's it... just some random topic to talk about.... :) Have a blessed week ahead!

The President's Command Performance

2009-04-10T00:24:00.005+08:00

On Sunday 5th April, JJFC had the honour of being invited to The President's Command Performance. Why you might ask? Well of course it's because JJ Lin was one of the performers that night.

It was a grand event i feel, cos i've been to so many events and all, and this is the first time i've seen JJFC actually dressed up for the occasion. :) Here are some photos of us...

Don't you think it looks like a JJFC Prom night? Haha... Well, i had fun, bcos before the event, i had the chance to doll up some of the member's hair. It's been sometime since i've last did a hairdo. But i'm glad i'm not rusty at all.

Here's Yuzhi and her hairdo...

Angela with her hairdo...

Adelene with her hairdo...

(can't see much... haha sorry!)

Here's the short writeup about JJ in the president's command handbook...

JJ Lin

He may be only 28 years old but he has already completed a world concert tour and has begun a second one. Not bad for the shy guy who started singing secretly in the bathroom!

Lin Jun Jie, better known as JJ Lin, discovered his passion for singing when he performed on stage while in primary school. He then began to take part in singing competitions but it was not until he started to actively lead the singing in his church that he felt he began his "real training".

He came into musical prominace after being discovered in Ocean Butterflies Music Forest's Very Singers Training Course. He first achieved success in Taiwan and China. In 2003, he was awarded the 'Best New Artiste' at the Taiwan Golden Melody Awards. He has written songs for various singers, notably A-Mei, A-Do, Harlem Yu, Rainie Yang and Fahrenheit. He writes all the melodies for his own albums. His fourth album, Cao Cao sole 1 million copies in less than a week. His signature tunes include 江南，翅膀，and 一千年以后。

Lin draws his inspiration from the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, who with his nifty footwork, feel-good music and stage charisma, set a benchmark for those in the singing industry. "I constantly remind myself to tap into my potential. I'm never satisfied with my performance, because there is always room for improvement. That spurs me on without adding more stress. It's more a lifestyle of excellence and passion for performance." he adds.

Beyond hard work, he feels that the key to success is the support of others. He has been blessed with many wonderful people in his life - his family and friends, colleagues and partners in the entertainment industry, his loyal and ardent fans - who have helped him to succeed. "I treasure those who support me and even those who criticise me, because they help me see my weakness and grow," he says.

As a singer and composer, he admits that he feels continuous pressure to keep up with the fast-changing music scene and to handle negative or discouraging comments. There have been times when he just could not write a good melody.

"The power to triumph over adversity comes from less worrying and more believing. I have found that having an optimistic attitude towards everything gives me the extra edge and peace of mind. I work harder and, to borrow the slogan of my favourite street wear label, Smudge, I am "still moving under gunfire.'"

(credits to Today paper)

For me, that night, was not all about JJ. There were total 11 performers and each of them has their own talents. Be it in photography, fashion design, music or even literature, this girl caught my attention. Her name is Ning Kam.

(credits http://www.ningkam.com/)

She's a violinist. I've been to a few concerts or recitals and heard ppl playing the violin either with a piano accompany or the string orchestra. But that night was the first time i hear someone performing the violin solo. The whole hall was quiet and everyone was listening to the angelic melody that was coming from the violin. The piece she played was Amazing Grace. The best part was that she actually stood on some steps and below her were lots of smoke. This made her looked as though she was an angel playing her piece for God.

That tune touched my heart. I'm sure people there that night enjoyed that too... It was a splendid performance i must say... If u r interested to know who she is you can visit her at her website http://www.ningkam.com/

The president's command performance will be aired on channel 5 on 19th April. So do stay tune for it! It's definately worth a watch!

Rainbow

2009-04-07T20:41:00.006+08:00

I've never really seen a rainbow before until recently. I was at Chun Hao's BBQ Birthday party located at Bukit Batok when i saw the most beautiful rainbow ever... I believe there's more chances to come... :)

beautiful rite? :)

well there's many myths about a rainbow, for those of you who don't know, can go google it and you'll find out. but for me, i believe that a rainbow is a sign of God's covenant to us...

"And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth. And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth." - Genesis 9:12-17

God put a rainbow in the sky as a covenant and promise to remind His people that He would never destroy all mankind by water again. The rainbow is also a symbol of God’s faithfulness and mercy. Indeed there are many things that can show us God's faithfulness and mercy, but to me the rainbow is special. It reminds me that eventhough I'm sinful, God forgives and He still loves me... :)

I've found on web a poem about the rainbow and i find it encouraging. Hope it'll bless you too... :)

Title: God's Rainbow

Rainbows appear after mighty storms,
When things look their very worst,
Just when the skies are darkest grey,
Look for the rainbow first.

The rainbow is a sign of God's promise,
That He will guide us through any storm,
That He will see us through all our troubles,
No matter what their form.

When you feel battered by life's storms,
And you are filled with doubt and dismay;
Just remember God's rainbow is coming---
It's only a prayer away.

~From an "Old Print Factory Inc." Card~

Have a blessed week ahead! :)

The myths of Bone Marrow Test

2009-04-04T01:42:00.007+08:00

I went for my bone marrow test on 2 April. This time round it's my 2nd time doing a bone marrow test without sedation. Praise God! I was quite awed by myself too. Cos i didn't feel a bit of fear at all. All through out the day i was feeling rather peaceful... I thank God for His faithfulness and His extra portion of grace and love for me. :)

I remembered how much i actually fear going through a bone marrow test, and how i'll wake up at night crying about it. I would be lying to you if i said it's not painful, cos IT IS and it does hurt ALOT! But it's the endurance or may i say your threshold to pain whether it's high or low. But i managed to pull through twice... yes TWICE of the procedure without sedation. It's only by His grace alone...

This is what i normally do before a bone marrow test (that was when i need to be sedated...) they set a plug on my hand, so they can inject the sedative into me and normally by the time i count to 3, i'm totally knocked out. Haha... but then again, i don't need them now, so i'll just go straight to the room and lay by my side and wait for the doctor to "detect" the position of my bone marrow (most of the times is at the hip bone area) then they will clean the area and proceed with whatever they need to do.

Well, alot of ppl ask me, exactly how long and thick is the needle used for bone marrow test? I didn't have the courage to ask or even see the equipment used all these years... But i had no idea y, i did on 2 April. I asked my coordinator Melissa exactly how long the needle was and how thick it was. After she described to me, i was rather shocked. Wanna see the pic? Haha, pls be prepared, cos when i showed some of my friends, they were stunned for a moment.

here's the instruction board...

here's the size of the needle...

are you shocked? well i was, when i first saw it. But then again, i'm quite relieved. At least i've clarify all the myths about bone marrow. Some of my friends will tell me that it's actually the size of those bubble tea straws and all, i mean, it's SO HUGE, so i was scared to ask. But now we know... those things that u watch on TV might not always be true. They do it and DRAMATIZE everything, so ppl will feel for the patients.

Here's a video on the process... the needle in this video seems a little short, a bit different from mine... i think the ones used in singapore is a little longer then this...

Anyway, so here's an entry to educate some of you on bone marrow... next time i'll be sharing more on my trips to the hospital too... :)

JJ Concert World Tour 2009!

2009-04-01T23:57:00.007+08:00

I guess i'll be doing some updates of some past events that i feel is pretty significant to me for the past few months, it's just that i never had the time to do so... but well here it goes...

JJ's Concert 2009...
How was it you ask? Well, great wouldn't be a good enough word to use. It was more than great, it was a living testimony that i've witness myself that day.

I've always been a fan of JJ Lin, some of you would have known, and frankly, i've NEVER blogged about him before. I've seen many 小妹妹 writing about him and about the past events on their own blogs and i feel that i'm too old for that... And one of the many reasons y i don't write about him is bcos i don't want ppl to mistaken that i'm idolizing him.

I have to make things clear, i might seem way too eager sometimes (or maybe many times) when it comes to his events. Like i can devote my time to do things for him or for the fanclub. There were many times i asked myself, why? and is it worth it? i didn't know the answer... and sometimes, i would even ask God, am i really idolizing him? It's hard to draw the line, that's what my brother always tell me, but deep down, i know i'm supporting him because of what he has done for me... though not knowingly.

I remembered, when i was first diagnosed with leukemia, i had to take interferon and the side effects of the medication was really bad. Prayer and worship was the only thing that i could do at that time to released my pain. But there was one particular night that i couldn't sleep, and no matter how my mom prayed or sang to me, nothing worked. Till i heard JJ's 翅膀 on the radio.

"用你给我的翅膀飞我懂这不是伤悲再高都不会累我们都说好了
用你给我的翅膀飞我感觉己够安慰乌云也不再多我们也不为谁掉眼泪"

Somehow, i don't know why, i felt peaceful and i slept soundly after that. It was then, i started taking notice of JJ.

Down the road, alot of you know that i've met with many trials. My mom, she became sick and fell really ill. She can't talk, can't walk, can't eat. I've lost someone whom i can communicate with. Though she's physically there, but it's always hard to look at her and ask "mommy, are you ok? are you feeling better?" but all the responce i get is a blank stare. It breaks my heart everytime seeing her like that. It was then this song came...

"我突然觉得有点怕爱跟生活的一切你以为我知道怎么拆开我们的想法落差
我的爱是说停不能停已经弄的不能说是曾经
也可说出我是错的爱未曾变成真的
也没藏到多少你需要的爱
我不再去执拙我是谁我是我在夜里掉的眼泪
也可说我看不开的为你我能做的竟还没让你相信是爱情左右你我"

I was scared. Scared of losing everything, losing control. I didn't know what to do, but when i heard this song, i was reminded that i was not alone. God knows how to speak through songs even though it's secular music...

And most importantly through JJ, i got to meet a bunch of really really good friends. They were there when i'm happy, and when i'm sad. They know how to cheer me up. Through them i got a little note from JJ himself... it said "Dear Dorothy, May you be filled with smiles and love everyday. 加油！" Seriously, he didn't have to, bcos he doesn't know who i am. But he still did. And it was this little note that helped me pull through the difficult times. I still have it up on my wall, it acts as a reminder for myself.

The concert this year was really special for me. When JJ did his opening song, i suspected that there's something wrong with his voice. He couldn't hit the high keys and seems to be very tired. After which, he shared with us that indeed his throat is not feeling well and that before the concert, he lost his voice totally. He even needs to go to the hospital to check it out. He mobilized his church to pray for him. Praise God that his voice came back that night.

After sharing a bit, he continued his performance. This concert was also a celebration for his birthday. It's a birthday gift that he gave himself. So as a birthday surprise, his family members decided to perform together with him. The moment i saw aunty, uncle and jj's bro on stage each holding on to a different instrument, i cried. Why? Cos i was reminded of something that my dad and mom always say. "How we wish we could perform on stage together with our two kids one day..." Sorry mommy, sorry daddy, we cannot help you fufill your dream...

It was a touching moment. To see aunty playing the pipa and uncle playing the erhu with jj's bro on the piano. It was as though JJ is fufilling the wish that my dad and mom has. My tears couldn't stop flowing the ache in my heart wouldn't go away, but the other part of me was really happy. Happy because i was able to see y mom and dad wants to perform together as a family.

After that segment, JJ went into his solo segment. Just the piano and his voice. There was a part where he started sharing inbetween songs, about how he is afraid of losing confidence and hope, because there was a point in time that he faced that reality. He was afraid, therefore he prayed more fervently and he is thankful that God saw him through the darkest moments in life. When he shared that there was a loud AMEN! that came from the crowd. Again, i felt God's love for me through his sharing... I cried again, but this time, it was tears of comfort. Cos i know there's nothing to fear. Just like JJ's smudge tee says... which also comes from Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

All in all, the concert was really a night to remember. I'm thankful. Thankful that God is so real in so many of our lives. So thankful that i met JJ and so thankful for his music. Like the movie that i watched. There's a quote that keeps ringing "No music, No dream". Without God, we are nothing... Without JJ's music, alot of the JMs in this world have already lost hope.

JJ's music is a tool that God is using to reach out to many. It gives hope, it brings love and friendships together. I'm proud to be a fan of JJ Lin. Just like i'm proud to be a child of God. He is my brother in Christ and together we are warriors of God. :) Hope my explanation is clear enough... cos i just wanna share what i feel... :)

Here's some pictures... taken from www.omy.sg

I will be posting some videos up too once i'm done uploading them onto youtube... :)

Strong Women vs Women of Strength

2009-01-06T18:04:00.002+08:00

Well, i'll be going for my bone marrow test again on thursday, 8th Jan. These few nights i've been waking up crying n all. The fear kinda grips me to the point that i can hardly breathe sometimes... but i'm thankful, bcos i know there is still someone I can depend on.

Lots have been happening in my life, things that i can't do to make things better. Alot of the time i feel that i am alone on this journey. I'm thankful for those who walks with me along the way, but hardly any of them r constantly there. It's difficult, but it's a journey i need to walk for the rest of my life.

A friend of mine send me this poem one day saying that it reminds her of me. I read it, but yet i felt i am not worth such praise. I don't know whether i'm stong enough or not... i just pray that God will be there when i'm about to fall. I know i cannot give up, bcos this life is not mine but His. So here, i wanna share this poem with u guys... :)

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure footedly ...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

credits to: http://ruthshaven.com/poetry/strongwomen.html

Birthday...

2009-01-03T00:01:00.005+08:00

This birthday of mine is really beyond my imagination... it's filled with lots of love and thoughts. Initially i was feeling really disappointed, but things really turned out differently. I realized different ones show their love differently n i have to look at things with perspective... I'm thankful for all of YOU! Really thank God for all the friends i have... :)

2nd Jan 1988, The day that i was born. It's been 21 years since that day. I still remember when i was 12, the day when i was dignosed with leukemia, i thought i wouldn't live to see myself celebrate my 21st birthday. Throughout the years, i've seen how God has been caring for me n loving me by providing so many things that i need in life. One of this many things is friends.

Last year, i didn't really get to celebrate my birthday, mainly bcos i was away in Japan n came back only on the 3rd of Jan. I know it was very childish of me, but i felt even though it's belated, i still hope someone can celebrate with me properly. To me a birthday cake is very important, bcos u don't get to do that everyday, just once a year. So when i didn't get a cake last year i kinda grew bitter... (SORRY I KNOW IT'S CHILDISH)

This year when ppl around me asked what i wanted for birthday, i told them simply, i don't need expensive gifts of whatever, just a birthday cake n lots of ppl to celebrate with. When my bro told me "i'm sorry it's out of my comfort zone to do that for u" frankly speaking, my heart sank when i heard that... But then, my JJFC friends heard about this, they gave me a suprise birthday on the 25th Dec when we had steamboat together to celebrate christmas. Though it was simple, but i totally felt so so loved... Here's some pic first...

Than, I thought that was it... but my cg n my bro actually planned a birthday surprise for me. Although along the way i was told, but in the end i was still VERY happy. :) I don't know how, but they did manage to get alot of ppl to celebrate for me. So my wish was fufilled... Thanks for all who came. Pics i think my bro will upload soon on face book...

In the end, here's the last present that i got... it's a video...

value="videoCode=97N309Cl11cPv7EQ9XM5" />flashvars="videoCode=97N309Cl11cPv7EQ9XM5" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" bgcolor="#000000" allowScriptAccess="always">

all in all i'm really thankful... thanks for the smses n the msg on facebook! really appreciate them... :)

Bone Marrow Test

2008-09-16T18:43:00.002+08:00

FEAR, n. See the Verb.

1. A painful emotion or passion excited by an expectation of evil, or the apprehension of impending danger. Fear expresses less apprehension than dread, and dread less than terror and fright. The force of this passion, beginning with the most moderate degree, may be thus expressed, fear, dread, terror, fright. Fear is accompanied with a desire to avoid or ward off the expected evil. Fear is an uneasiness of mind, upon the thought of future evil likely to befall us.

Ever fear something so much that all ur weaknesses were shown within split second? Well it happened to me, today.

I went to the hospital as usual but this time round was for my bone marrow test. I met Hui Fen at BPP's taxi stand and we took a cab down. Upon arrival i was still feeling rather happy, (though ever since mom became sick i kinda dread bone marrow test). I was sitting in the room while the nurses took my blood preasure and tempreature. I always loved the nurses there bcos they r all very understanding n kind. One of them attended to me and asked if this was my first time, jokingly i told them i'm very experienced, cos i've been visiting the hospital for more than 8 years now. (I think it's partly bcos throughout the years i changed too much, from short hair to long to wild to jpop n many other styles, that's one of the many reasons they can't recognise me) Than she told me the procedures to bone marrow. After she finished i asked if i'll be put to sleep, than it hit me... real hard.

Apparently it was on the papers. Sedation using combined intravenous midazolam and fentanyl is a popular technique for minor gynaecological procedures. However, it is fraught with inconsistency in efficacy and has a greater tendency to perioperative oxygen desaturation. From what i understand is that they uses sedation for bone marrow or some other minor "op" too. Bcos the pain is just TOO unbearable.

Ever since the news, they stopped giving patience sedation for all this minor "op". They strongly advice not to use it bcos it "might" affect ur respiratory system. There were 3 nurses in total trying to convince me not to use the sedative n that the doc might not allow it too. For the first time in my life, i felt totally stubborn. They took 30mins plus to try to talk me out of it, i kept on shaking my head telling them no that i want sedation and all but they seem rather strict.

I was trying very hard to stay calm there. For those of you that knows me, i think u'll know that i'm rather well composured n all, never have i turn pale with sweaty cold palms n feet, rubbing my fingers n drawing circles trying to keep cool, tears running down my cheeks without control. Fear grips me and it grips me real bad. Images of what happened during my first bone marrow flashes through my brain. The pain that i went through came back n my heart beat was beating faster than normal ppl. PLUS, mommy wasn't there to give me moral support. I couldn't say yes. I didn't want to say "ok i will be brave n go through without sedation" i am NOT prepared at all. I was trying to come out with ALL kinds of reasons that i can think of so that they will allow me to go on sedation, but in the end i told them, "if that's the case i'll rather go home now n not do the bone marrow test. it's ok n it doesn't matter to me."

To be frank, i hated myself there n then. Y can't i just go through it? Isn't God my strength n my refuge? But the thing is deep down i was scared. REALLY REALLY scared. There's this voice saying that it's better to die than to go through with all this pain. At that moment i went through mental and spiritual turmoil. I didn't know what to do. In the end the nurse came in n said that my doc allowed me to be sedated, but only 5MG which is a very low dosage which the nurses said there's no difference. But i still told them i want that 5MG and i'm sorry.

I totally understand where they r coming from. They r just concern n they want the best for their patience. So i wanna say thank you. I really hope u guys can understand, it's a mental n emotional struggle. I didn't came prepared.

After that they showed me to my bed. I went to change, n i cried in the toilet again. I felt unsure, not at peace, scared n i wanted to run away. Knowing that the 5MG won't do much also. I went back to my bed n Kor n Hui Fen prayed for me. I thank God, bcos immediately after the prayer, i felt peaceful. Though i am still a little skeptical about it. We were watching TV n saw Opphra's talk show, something about the law of attraction. Funny how ppl say if they visualize things that they want they will eventually get it (something like that) so i asked my bro, so if i visualize that there won't be pain later will it be true. But before he answered me i said, nah i doubt so... Anyway i am calm now, bcos i know God is with me.

We waited for a while n all n i started asking bro alot of random stuff. Like what happens if i really fall into depression n all, cos at that point i was still struggling inside. Than he said he will bring me to seek professional help, but he ended with pain is inevitable but to stay in misery is a choice, so therefore to be depressed is also a choice. He also said 1Thess5:16-18 Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Isa41:10 So do not fear, for i am with you; do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you n help u; i will uphold u with my righteous right hand. After hearing those verses, the doctor came in with the rest whom i think r intern doctors.

It was the first time i got to see who is the doctor that is doing the bone marrow for me. He's really a nice guy. So r the rest. They reassured me again n again that it'll be ok. Than it happened. They sedated me but only half a dose, i felt drowsy but still rather concious. Than they gave the full shot of 5MG n i felt my body becoming heavier. Throughout the whole process i can hear them clearly telling me whats happened. I felt the pain, but somehow i felt peaceful i think partly bcos of the sedation too, cos it makes my body more relax rather than tense. I didn't know how long the procedure was, but when it was over i know i cried and all. But what i'm glad is i didn't scream or shout. So everything went through safely. (Thank you God) I prayed together with Kor n Hui Fen again thanking God for everything n that i was still rather concious, so next time i will be more prepared.

I don't know how will the result be, but i trust that it is in God's mighty hands and that in the near future when i go for bone marrow test again i'll be ready n a little more obedient. I am so sorry for the trouble caused everyone. I was shocked at how i responded today too. Hope that i didn't scare anyone in the midst of this.

Fear... Something that is still reletively real in alot of our lives, but i know that with the help of God all mighty, NOTHING is impossible for Him. :)

Updates...

2008-08-28T00:33:00.007+08:00

Here's some updates about my life...

I've officially graduated from my school, had my convo on the 16 aug. It wasn't an easy 3 years, lots of hard work, lots of tears n sweat. Seen many types ppl, made new friends and had some accomplisments. I think all this i gotta thank God. I still remember the times when i had to toil till early in the morning crying while doing my work n daddy said it's ok to quit school. Looking back now, i'm glad i was strong enough n i didn't make that choice. Here's some pictures to share...

This is Jin Wen, a very dear friend of mine, she's been my friend since sec school days. We only meet like 5 to 10 times a year, not very often for a person like me who love meeting up with friends for tea n all. Good thing is that we can always share with one another things that are happening in our lives. She's been through her difficult times in NAFA too, but i'm glad we've graduated together once again. :)

This is Laiyin. She's my groupmate for my NCPC project. A really nice n sweet girl. Come to think of it i think i owe her alot. Cos during our project days i was really involved in another project that i hardly had time for this. I'm thankful that she's understanding n all. Got to know her better also. She loves Lilo n Stitch and i love Nightmare before Christmas, so we always have things to talk about. A very dear friend to me... Thank you Laiyin if u ever had a chance to read this. :)

These are my dear dear girlfriends i made when we majored in AVP. I remembered the day when i went into my bro's rooming saying, my last sem in NAFA is going to be awful, cos i don't know anyone. And ppl in my class r ppl with rather high profiles. But God uses all kind of situations n turn them around. I met Janna n Kristy. Without them, i guess i wouldn't be where i am now... We go KTV together, we can talk non stop for very very long. Ppl always ask how we clicked, somehow i have no concrete answers to that. I'm just thankful i got to know them better during school days. :)

The uploading of the pictures really take a long time, so if u really wanna see all the photos u can add me in facebook. My pictures r all there... Basically i have a habit of taking photos now, so u get to see lots of photos around in my account. Yeap so i shall just stop here now... Will update more when i'm free. :)

CEFC Anniversary Dinner

2007-09-24T18:55:00.000+08:00

It was our church anni dinner on sat(22 sept 07), I had the honor of going thanks to MeiEn who bought the table and blessed us. It was really fun, though we didn't do alot, i guess it's more of the people there that made it fun. It's a formal dinner, so everyone was dressed really nicely. Pastor Ed shared his vision for the church and it was really eye opening on how God move around other countries. The take home for me is to be trained to be discipled. So yup. Below is some pics, enjoy!

Yokohama Interactors in Singapore :)

2007-08-26T23:40:00.000+08:00

I had a wonderful wonderful time yesterday with the student interactors from Yokohama Japan. Bonded with some of them, it's a pity we didn't have more time with them. We went to acs international for their installation and the japanese taught us to make sushi. It was fun, cos it's like super long. After that we went to hougang ave 6 (i think) to distribute food to the old folks and went door to door to bring them down for free medical check ups. It was really meaningful. After that we made our way to esplanade for a little tour n dinner. I realised the japanese r really fascinated with our ice kachang. Haha i think it's bcos it's colourful. I bought two bowls for the group i hanged out with. Glad they liked it. After that we were broken into groups n had to lead them to where ever they wanna go. I lead 11 of them we went across the bridge to see the merlion. Than we walked all the way to clark quey. Along the way it rained a bit. Some of them didn't have umbrella, so we had to pair them up. It's funny, cos a guy insisted that guy n girl cannot share an umbrella, cos that means they r couple. Well, i guess so long non of us think so it's ok. After that we passed by a souvenier shop, they bought quite some stuff. After that we proceed to our final destination which is the liang court's japanese super market. It was my first time there too. So i was really excited. Too bad didn't manage to have more time to walk. Well i guess i can always go there again by myself. Than we send the jap off to their bus pick up point. We went onto their bus for a little debrief and sang a few songs, than after that we received gifts from different ones. I got a fan from Ayako. I was really touched. :) She was explaining to me what it is written on the fan. It says that whatever that i wish for will come true. So yup. She's really sweet. :) After that we said our goodbyes. It was sad to see them leave. But i will keep in contact with them. Yup. That's all. :)

Trust in You

2007-08-21T01:08:00.000+08:00

Lotsa things happened within a short short period. Well, it's pretty over whelming at least for myself. Haven't been able to smile as much as i wanted to lately. I guess i can only express it through different areas. Recently i've picked up song writing, wouldn't say it's properly done, cos it's just random thoughts that i've jotted down n gave a tune to it. Plus the tune, has no chords, lol so basically if u catch it u catch it, if not i'm sorry! :p

Anyway, this is the most recent. Hope u guys understand what i'm writing.

Trust in You
By Dorothy Sng
Date 21 August 07

Verse:
In a little corner of my room
Tears are running down my face
All the voices telling me you’re all alone
On this journey of faith

The stresses that I go through everyday
Is over whelming and it’s choking me
Fear is everywhere and my future seem so bleak
I know I am lost

Bridge:
All the loneliness
All the fears I see
Could you take it away, yeah

All the struggles inside
All the pain I’ve been through
Could you take it away Lord

Chorus:
I need you
Here in my life
Fill up the gaps
That can’t be filled

Only you see
The things I’ve been through
Help me Lord
To trust in You

*Repeats

happy happy

2007-08-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

Despite all that has happened, i am feeling happy this few days. I guess it's probably bcos i get to see lots of ppl whom i'm happy to be around. Got a chance to meet new ppl too, n get to see friends that i haven't seen for a long time... so ya lor. Let me post some pics up for u guys to view ba...

Emotional Tanks

2007-07-09T01:45:00.000+08:00

I came across someone asking this question "Have u ever felt so lonely that ur heart starts hurting n tears running down ur cheek that u can't control?" I asked myself that and my answer was yes. It's funny, bcos u can hang around ppl that u r really close to or even be in places that r crowded but u still feel this way. I remember my bro n i often talks about filling up with our emotional tank. And i know that one tank cannot be fully filled, unless God fills them up for u.

Went for Kiat and Michelle's wedding on 7 July, Pastor KK was doing the exhortation and he quoted something that strikes me alot. He said that one cannot fully love unless he or she is fully loved. I totally agreed with him.

Recently many things happened to me. With my liver problems going on and school starting soon, all this is adding on to my "subconcious" stress that i am having. Frankly, i have not been emotionally stable. Have been going out late, meeting friends almost everyday trying to drown out whatever that is bothering me. Home doesn't really feel like home anymore, where there's no communication and all u do is ur own stuff. Getting misunderstood and blames out of the blue. It's not easy at all. Every night when i try surrending to the Lord, i end up crying.

Many times i would ask God y do i have to go through what i go through at this age, but i've come to realised that everyone has their own struggles, and their problems r the "Giants" that they are facing with. I really wanna thank God and my bunch of friends and cg mates. Without them, live for me will be even more difficult to walk.

I am having a very hard week, negative thoughts just come like a rushing river. It's hard to control, but i'm thankful God is helping me with it. I take comfort in Him and His words. I pray that God will help me fill my emotional tank to it's fullest that it will overflow so that i will know how to love, love those around me, love those that are hard to be loved. Pls pray for me. Thank you so much...

Black Button

2007-07-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

Saw this video on Youtube today, was caught thinking after that. It's true that God gave us choices, but seriously speaking, i wouldn't know if He or the devil will do it this way. It's pretty scary to know that for just 10 million dollars, u took away a life of someone n u lose ur salvation forever. Hope this will be a reminder to us all that temptation in life is real. Whether or not u want to depend on God is ur choice.

Tranformers!

2007-06-29T17:29:00.000+08:00

We had a company outing to the movies yesterday and we caught Transformers. Seriously speaking, i'm not a fan of robots of any kind, even when i watch Ai and Irobots, i didn't watch it bcos i want to, but mostly bcos my friends wants to. Anyway, same goes for transformers, at first i thought it's just gonna be another block buster movie that will be overly promoted by the media, cos i know i was disappointed many times when i have high hopes for the movie than it wasn't that great. I'm not a very good movie critic, but i know what i want out of a movie is at least a good plot or good graphics. But after watching transformers, i was HOOKED!! Yes it's the best show i've ever watched, at least i really love it, it has humor, good plot, great graphics, great angles and best of all, all the robots really do look real. So real to the extend that when i came out of the cinema, i walked on the street everything on the road makes me feel as though they can change into a gigantic robots if they want to. Haha... talk about being crazy over it.

It's been a long time since i've got the urged to watch a movie twice in the cinema, n yes i wanna watch transformers again. So, those of u looking for Kakis can call me k? That's all!!! :)

Exciting days...

2007-06-22T14:31:00.000+08:00

This few days have been really exciting. Work days went pass just like that. Spent most of the days shooting this week. First was for this couple Thomas and Melissa. Too bad i forgot to bring my camera along, so didn't manage to take any pictures at all. Sad... But it was a very very enjoyable shoot. This couple is the most ON couple i've worked with (it's not like i've worked with alot of them) Anyways, they have lots of props that they rented at the costume shop. From indian, to korean to french maid to ah beng to goth etc... Very cool. The story line is cool too. I remembered when we first started brain storming for their story we are like brain dead. Bcos we couldn't come up with anything. But in the end, it kinda ended up like the best yet. I really enjoyed myself. :)

As for the past 2 days, i've been going for CG overdrive. Yes, i went again this year, but guess what? It's different, cos it's for work. I followed Wally n team to expo and shoot for the corporate side. It's really different from what we do at Wedding Paparazzi. It's more on interviews and settings. I really learn alot. N the best part was i got to speak with different speakers that was on the set in private. Cool rite? My favourite Polygon Pictures r here too. Got to meet the directors of Imaginary Friends studio and Square Enix too. Really fun. I learnt not only on Filming and corporation side, but for animation and stuff... SO like what they say, it's more like one stone kill two birds. :) Haha, so that's my week so far. Really enjoyed myself alot. :)

Bye!~

May all glory goes to Jesus!

2007-06-17T03:20:00.000+08:00

Went for Planet shaker's concert on Friday nite, thought that it will be something like the synergise conference but in the end it was pretty different. Pastor Prince of New creation came out and preach after worship lead by planet shakers. Our singapore swimmer shared her testimony too. To sum up the nite, it was pretty good. What i am happy about is by the end of the nite, the message did touch different ones and we have new belivers. Welcome to the family.

Had cg on sat morning and we watched facing the giants. It's a great show i greatly recommend u guys to watch the show. The thing is it really touched my heart. I know that i have a giant in my life. And that giant is myself. It may not be someone telling me that i can't do it, but i myself always say i can't do it. Take for example my health. This is one thing that i really struggle with. Through this show, God showed me what He CAN do bcos there's NOTHING He CANNOT do. It showed me how little faith that i had in this area of my life. Even to live, to me now is God's grace, bcos He didn't have to let me. I have no reason to, BUT Jesus came and died so that i can live a live that bring glory to His name. That i can reach different ones and impact their lives. I fear alot of things. God knows, but all i have to do is to lift it up in prayers and prepare for rain just like the people in the movie said. God has his timing, i just need to be ready to receive.

God really does works wonders. As alot of u know that i'm really into asian pop. So basically i always watch tv or read mag. I watched the 18th Jin Qu Jiang today and what awed me was not the performance or who won what but it is the different ones that goes on stage and thank God, saying that all the glory goes to Him. It shocked me. Really, bcos i always thought that in taiwan, no body really thank God so openly. Even one of the Ban Jiang Ren said that Jesus is their mascot, without Jesus, there won't be them, they won't have the talents or the ability to do what they do now. I was praising God too. God is real. I see it in their lives. Again God told me He can do EVERYTHING even in things that i have not believed in. Just like the movie said again, "If we win, we thank God, if we lose we thank God too." In all the things that we do, we should thank Him and praise Him.

It's the first time in a long long time i'm excited about the morning service tml. I can't wait to meet God, i wonder if He will still tell me the same thing. Cya!

My day at the hospital...

2007-06-14T14:47:00.000+08:00

Was called back to the hospital for a early check up. Doc said that there's something wrong with my liver, so to double confirm that i had to go back and do the special blood test again. Katherine went with me this time round. I was very thankful that she went, even though she didn't get to stay for long. Went to do my blood test, a malay lady did it for me. She's pretty good too, though after pricking the needle in she still have to search around for my vein. Anyway, she took 8 tubes of blood by the 8th one my blood kinda stop flowing... Not good at all... but i think she will reuse from the others ba... Not sure about their procedure.

After that went to see the doc. It was a long long wait. Reached around 11, in the end only got to go in at around 1 plus. Actually i don't know the exact timing cos i don't have a watch with me. So i didn't bothered to check.

Went into the room and the doc confirmed that there's something wrong with my liver. He said that my liver is inflamated. Don't know what it is, but for normal ppl it suppose to be below 30 percent but for mine it was like 103 percent. So it's like 3 times more. Yes yet again the same situation occured. Doc said to stop my medication for 2 weeks and see how it is after that. He seem really concern. Bcos my current medication, one of the side effect is that it may cause damage to my other internal organs, which it is happening now, in the early stage. So i asked him what happened if after 2 weeks n my liver is still like that? He hesitated for a while. Than he said that there are other options, but he is still not sure n don't wanna jump into conclusion yet. So ya, that was his answer, but i did ask him the other options and he said that there's this new drug but it's still not open for sales yet, so it's only for clinical trial. In other words i'll be a mouse n be experimented on. Bcos it's only be in used for 2 years, so the doctors still don't know what are the side effects like. My dad didn't have much reaction, but told me that it might be a blessing cos it's free... Hai...

Truth is, i was waiting for him to say the other alternative is to go for a bone marrow transplant. But he didn't, I guess he figured out that when my dad said no to the transplant there wouldn't be a need for me to do it. But the truth is, i want to, if it's ever possible. To be really frank, i'm tired. Very very tired. Tired of going through this emotional roller coaster ride. Physically, mentally and emotionally draining. I am uncertain, of my future. Not that i don't trust God. Nothing like that, just if u were in my shoes, going through what i went through for 7 years isn't easy. Sometimes i really hope i can complain out loud, but most of the time i choose to keep it in, making myself hurt more. I'd rather go for a transplant before i turn 21. Bcos the risk will be lower. I know it's not something that i can take it so lightly with. But frankly speaking, i'll rather i suffer than to see everyone disappointed again and again bcos of my condition.

Recently, i haven't been very stable. With my walk with the Lord and with my own emotions. I cry myself to bed everynight, praying. There's loads of things that i feel burdened with. Alot of stuggles that i can't let go off. One thing is definately my health. Not that i don't believe He can heal, but more of when. It's a very very selfish thought i have. It all boils down to what i want now and i no longer see God. It's blinding me from Him. If you happen to be reading this, pls pray for me. I may not be as cheerful as i am nowadays, i hope u guys will understand. Bcos i am seriously feeling very confused inside. I don't know what to do. Thank you, i'll stop writing now...

Hello everyone

2007-06-08T15:23:00.000+08:00

Yes i know... the blog has been dead for sometime... Haha realised i wrote quite a emo entry before the blog died for a while... If it got anyone of you worrying for me, sorry! Just wanna let u guys know that i'm doing well...

Alot has happened as usual. I'm currently doing my internship now. At wedding paparazzi. It's a wedding videography company. It's pretty cool, met lots of cool ppl and fun too. My role basically is to learn as much as i can here. I do video editing. They've let me try shooting at one wedding dinner too. But my fav part is still their concept shooting. Basically is coming up with a concept story and sell it to the wedding couple and bring the story to live. I learnt alot because they are always willing to teach.

As for my health wise, it's been ok. I'm still on Glivec, only thing is that i'm taking 6 pills instead of 4 now. I'm actually trying to recover from my throat infection. Been sick for like 2 weeks now? Started of with throat infection than had fever cough n everything else. So now i'm coughing now and than... But overall i'm fine. :)

Attended Kelvin and Grace wedding on sat and went for Mayday's concert after that. It was fun, but the thing was i fell sick again the next day. Guess i shouldn't be out the entire day and tire myself out. But it was a day well spent, bcos i got to hang out with ppl instead of isolating myself at home n do nothing but sleep.

Met JJ on tuesday too. Cos the FC went for the Legend of the seas gala premiere. The movie was ok, frankly speaking, i didn't think the plot was very exciting. Not that i'm a very good animator or critic, but if u watch the show u will know what i mean. But non the less, i still support local production. There's lots of space for them to improve. Wanna thank Cubix and all for giving FC the chance to meet JJ too. So i'm thankful. I guess the best part for me is to see all my dear friends again. They all know that i've been sick and have been encouring me and keeping me in prayers. Thank you all!!! :) I wanna thank esp Joanne, Carol, Siew Yong and Sophie, u girls r the best buddies i can ever ask for. And for Connie Jie, Ai Ling, Ivy, WenLing, Sandra, Meixuan and all the others who have been caring towards me THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!! :)

Will try to upload pics of my company and the events that happen soon. So everyone can enjoy... Looking forward to tml. Cos it's a time where i can come together with my cg and seek God. Yup IT'S FRIDAY!!!!! :) That's what the yes933 DJ Ding Zhi Yong will say. I love friday. :)

BYE!

Lord lead the way...

2007-03-08T23:57:00.000+08:00

Took some time to reflect upon what had happened for the past years. How my walk with Him has grew, or has it? Was wondering what should i name this entry. Titles like Why Lord, Confused, I'm afraid was all i thought of. It's not easy writing this. And i seriously meant it. I am even asking myself now, y do u want to write an entry when u r feeling so terrible inside? I don't know... i just want to.

Admist of all my business due to my assessment in sch, i went to the hospital today. Dr Chuah called me up on tuesday saying that he needs to see me urgently due to my special blood test results. At that moment, i didn't know how to react. It didn't help either when dad is like asking u questions like did u take ur medicine regularly with a hush tone as though i'm under interrigation. And when u told ur bro n he asked the same question n gave a smirk. And the best of all is when u told ur mom, she just looks at u without any expression. I cried. A sudden fear came to me n grib me. And it gribbed me hard.

Went and did the normal routine today, had blood test n waited for the results. From the normal blood test results i can already tell that the news later is going to be really bad. Normal body blood test result shows a 8 percent n below white cells, but mine had shot up to 10.5. Went to see doctor chuah n found out that the test results shows that i have 21 percent of cancerous cells in my body, whereby the previous one was 0.1 percent. So it shot up 20 times more. I was shocked. I didn't really know how to react, but smile. But inside me, i felt my world coming down again. If i tell u that i'm ok, i'll be telling u a lie. At that moment i told God, "God would u just be kind enough to bring me home?" I cried again. It was comforting to know that people r praying for me. But i really don't know how to face them. It's been 5 years. I remembered i told my brother just now. If only i did a bone marrow transplant 5 years ago i would be completely healed now. I don't have to go through emotional turmoil.

I had a time of processing when i reached home. I prayed, though i don't know what r His plans for me, but i do know that He will not let me go through things that are way beyong my capacity. It's hard. But i know He is with me. Though i might be alone here, but He will guide me. I really wanna thank Katherine for smsing me the song verse. It really encouraged me alot. For a moment i felt very self centered today, but i know God will understand. Please do keep me in prayer. I really need it. Let me grow in Him and accept His will for me.

I am arranged to go for a bone marrow test on the 19 March. Please keep me in prayer till than. They will need to double confirm the results that they have. Thank you all...

"God is too wise to be mistaken, God is good to be unkind, if you don't understand and you don't see His plan, if can't trace His hands trust His heart."

I know God would want the best for me. Lord lead the way...

Neoprints

2007-02-19T11:33:00.000+08:00

あげまして　おめでとう！！！

2007-02-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

Wanna wish all a blessed PIGGY new year!! Yes it's Piggy's year this year, so i'm really happy. Haha, anyway, just wanna upload some neoprint that i took with some of my classmates on friday. We went out after class n had dinner together. I did some last min shopping and bought myself a jeans and a bag. That's all... Yup!

Oh ya, Tomoko san emailed me. :) I'm really happy. She asked me a few question regarding me wanting to take a scholarship to japan, i explained to her, it's not so easy. But nonetheless, i'll work hard for it. Yup. Will update again! :) Happy new year!!!

Day 1

2007-02-13T16:34:00.000+08:00

Day 3

2007-02-13T16:12:00.000+08:00

Final day out with our japanese friends...

2007-02-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday was the last day that i spent with the japanese. We went to river valley's roti plata place. Had our dinner there and they left for the air port.

Too bad there wasn't any space for me to follow them to the airport. But really did enjoy myself the past few days. At least i know i meant something to them, cos when i told Tomoko san and Miwa san that i wasn't able to follow them to the air port and send them off, they were sad and tried asking the rest if i could go. :) It really meant alot to me.

I really wanna thank God for this opportunity. I still remember that time when i found out that the people group that God has placed in my heart was japanes, i was a little shock. I still remembered when i was young, i kinda hated them, due to the history lessons that we had when we were young. But now, i have such overflowing joy and love when i see them. I realise i wasn't quite myself when i was around them. Deric and the rest pointed it out to me that i was super hyper and i'm like always charged up. Having the "thing" that is around me, that make me click so easily with the japanese.

I mean, if it's not for the love for them, i think i'll be trying real hard to make "forced talk" with them. Now i really can't wait for the day when i'll be there, doing the work that God has called me to. Please pray along with me. At least i have a few japanese friends now, i'll get to know them better and the country better too. :)

Pray that God will allow me to go in His timing, even if it's short term, i'll be happy too. Thank you God!!! :) Love ya and love them all too!! :)

Pictures!

2007-02-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

2nd Day out with our Japanese friends....

2007-02-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

Today was the second day out with the japanese. Feeling the same this morning. Excited and happy. i think i have it written all over my face that i really like meeting them. Got to know Tomoko san today better and as well as remembering all their names. There's Nori san, Suita San, Yoshi san, Miwa san and Tomoko san. Yeah!!!

Brought them around our school today, showed them our library first. It's interesting how much i don't know about our library. Seen many things which i've not seen b4. Like in our audio room, there's fashion books for loan that cost about 1000 over dollars. And the room that we went to that supposed to be for VIPs only. Interesting. Haha... Than we brought them to the Interior design level and showed them the jewelleries that students make. Than also the skylight studio. It's really interesting to see your fellow school mates work. Tomoko san and the rest asked me why didn't they see my work. I told them it wasn't good enough, but i'll sure show them if i can next time.

Than we met the other clubs and had a short presentation by each clubs. Really interesting too. Gave them a book on singapore and we signed on it. They were really happy. Than we went over to sunshine plaza and ate the wanton noodle. And i brought them to eat the rascle's cheese cake. Yup it was the old koco cheese cake. lol. They loved it though it was really hard like rock. Haha, cos i forgot to tell kit to deforst it b4 giving it me, so in the end it was really really hard. But it was also enjoyable, cos we were joking and eating at the same time.

Than we left after that. We were invited to join them for dinner tml night. Can't wait to see them. Yeah. Do enjoy the very few photos that i have above. Chao!

First day out with my new friends from Osaka!

2007-02-10T01:23:00.000+08:00

shingapo-ru e youkoso!!! Welcome to singapore my friends from Osaka. I'm really thankful for this chance to meet Rotractors from Osaka. Met them up at their hotel today. Was really happy when i reached the hotel today, bcos the hotel is filled with japanese!!! Yes and i mean filled up with!!! lol... sorry still not over it yet.

I really wanna thank God for this divine opportunity to meet them. It's really interesting how we just clicked with one another. Though we have a language barrel but we did manage to get what we wanna say across.

It started at the hotel. All the youths from Japan were there, i mean not all but alot. haha... I think it's some sch having their sch vacation holiday in singapore. I was standing at this table next to this group of youths paying their teachers the relevant stuff. And i was just looking at them and smiling. A few of them actually greeted me. They r really so so polite! I was jumping with joy when my friends literally have to calm me down.

Than we saw the 5 of the japanese that we were suppose to meet. Heard from Deric that they were very silent throughout the journey to the hotel. So i wanted to break the ice n started chatting with of course the lady who can speak english so she can help me to translate if need be. Her name is Tomoko San. So far i can only remember her name clearly, bcos her name is the shortest. The rest r really long. If i'm not wrong the guy that i've chated with is called Nori San. Anyways, after fetching them from the hotel, we took a bus to china town n have our dinner. Tomoko san and Nori san followed me to buy food, cos they've not tried odering food like we do over here. They were really excited. To see their contented face really makes my day.

It's really amazing, i was the only one that chatted with them non stop. Like we have alot alot in common. I asked lots of question and they asked me lots of question too. It's like a conversation not bcos we felt like it's forced out, but something out from our heart. After the dinner, we took the MRT back to their hotel. So basically it was just bringing them to experience the transport system we have in singapore today. Yup. Chatted all the way. I'm really really happy now. Can't wait till i see them again tml in sch. Will try my best to take picture tml. Yup!!!! Cya!!

Oyasuminasai!!!! :p:p:p:p

EAI Music and Publishing: Leo Coffee House Live!

2007-02-06T21:12:00.000+08:00

Dear friends and everyone that is reading this,

Would like to invite all of you to come watch this exciting concert prepared by a group of artists who have been putting in all their efforts to bring it to past. It's gonna be exciting and fun with lots of music and dance. I'll be one of them who will be performing. I'll be dancing, singing and as well bringing in a little bit of acting. Really hope all of you can give me your support. The details are above...

Date: 25 Feb 07
Time: 3pm
Venue: Alliance Francaise (1 Sarkies Rd, Off Newton Circus towards Bukit Timah)(see attached map)
Website for location: www.alliancefrancaise.org.sg
Price: $25

Please do let me know if u r interested by emailing me at funky_angel004@hotmail.com
or call me at my mobile. Thanks have a great lunar new year too! God bless!!!

Dory~

A fruitful day...

2007-02-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

It has been a fruitful day today. In terms of u may ask? Well, alot of things. Woke up 6am feeling really excited about the new cg that i'm attending. Yes, i'm in a new cg now. FIVE STONES! haha... it's good to know that u r actually in the stone family.

Had cg at Hui Fen (my new cgl)'s place at 9am. Watch the dvd for the dawn prayer and we shared according to what pastor tony had share. It's been some time since i've had a sharing like that. I'm thankful that the topics that we talk about r related to my current walk with Him. Need to share some problems with them. Got to know my new cg mates as well. It's funny how we just click like that. They r really fun bunch of ppl.

After that went for my rehearsal as usual, n i bumped into my 2 dear brothers at bukit panjang plaza. Got to catch up with them, haven't got a chance to meet one of them for nearly a year le. Was glad to hear that he was doing fine. I really think it's a divine appointment for me to meet them. It's a coincidence that he just went to visit new creation today. Talked a little about him getting back to church and shared about my walk with him. Will continue to pray that he will go back to the Lord, in His timing. :)

Went home and checked my mail, got an email from Ken Ogawa. Was really happy to hear from him. Get to know what's he doing over in japan and got a few prayer pointers from him. Will be praying for him and japan too. I only pray for God's grace to be upon them n myself, and that God will allow me to make more time to pray for them and know what's happening to keep myself ready.

Guess what happened after that? A few mins later, a schoolmate of mine from sch msg me n asked if i would like to help host a group of students from Osaka, to be a befriender to them this coming sat. I thought it was really God's timing. Like all of a sudden the news came in n just nice, my rehearsal will be taking this coming sat off. It's really a happy happy news to hear. So yup, very happy today!!!

Going off now! Oyasuminasai!!! :p

More photos to view!!!

2007-01-15T17:05:00.000+08:00

JJ Lin n me :)

2007-01-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

A memorable birthday spent with JJ :)

2007-01-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

2 Jan 07, a memorable day for me. I still remember when my bro asked me what i wish for my birthday this year. I told him i've got 3 wishes. 1, is that mummy would be able to wish me happy birthday by herself, 2, that serene can come back n celebrate for me, 3, (which i said it's a dream n will be a miracle if it happens) that i would want to spend my birthday with JJ Lin.

What happened was a miracle did happen! :) I still remember that day when Ivy and i went to OB to pass Daphne JJ's Christmas present. And when she announce that JJ will be coming back to singapore n will have a gathering with us, i was already excited. But when she announced the date, i was overjoyed! I kept on asking if i'm dreaming or what. Or did i get the news wrongly. But Ivy said ya it's on the 2nd of Jan, MY BIRTHDAY!

Following, the FC committee members started planning for programmes and registration. Things went really well in fact. Than one day Ivy called n asked if i could be the host or something. And my immediate reaction was "i'm going to be a super quiet host" haha. But than i took up the challange. Carol was my partner so we discussed on the topic to ask him n what programmes should be include or exclude.

Than the day came. I was super nervous when the clock was about to strike 4pm. Cos according to our schedule, we will have 2 hours with him, but he was late due to an interview he had earlier on. So he came around 4.40pm. He walks into the room n the crowd was crazy. Flashes was all over the place. Now i know how they feel when so many flashes r flashed at u all at the same time. It started off with an interview with the host. So basically we asked him a few questions. Gradually i felt like i was speaking to a friend rather than to a star. He made me feel like he was my long last friend of something. In general he is really nice.

When he speaks, he knows who to give an eye contact to at the right time. It's interesting to know that he knows so much (in a sense all the things i learn at eai just flash through my brain... haha). Anyway, we played truth or dare after the interview. Truth r those question post by FC members, dare are actually simple task which JJ could do. So basically he did a few dares n along the way we laughed n joke about it. Than we played a scenaro game. Whereby JJ have to pick different situation n act it out without speaking. We had a few scenes which i felt it was pretty intereting like meeting MJ in the streets n all. And after that we've got a song dedication song whereby we sang for him. A few members came up n sang n they were really excited about it.

In the end we celebrated his success of his concert. Plus my birthday too. So i had a chance to blow the candle out together with him. :p After that the whole event ended, n he left for his dinner n we proceed to have our dinner too.

When we left the restaurant, i went to the bath room thinking if JJ is still around, as i step out of the bathroom i saw his "jin ji ren" yvonne, i was so happy! Than suddenly i heard ppl calling my name, n JJ looked at my direction. At first he looked than he wisphered "hello" n smiled at me. Haha, but than i had a super blur look on mine. Cos i didn't expect to see him again. Than he left with his company ppl. And i went to celebrate with my bro n his friends.

Overall, it was a rather exciting day for me. Think i will never forget it. Don't have the time to write down everything also. Will post the pics up as soon as i've collade all the pics together. Yup that's all for now! :)

2006-11-30T04:53:00.000+08:00

slow shutter: STREET FIGHTER!!! :)

2006-11-30T04:52:00.000+08:00

slow shutter: got a little of movie poster feel... haha guess who n who?

2006-11-30T04:51:00.000+08:00

reflection: eh, the traffic light at greenridge was spoiled, the green man was hanging up side down...

2006-11-30T04:50:00.001+08:00

depth of field: experimental way of taking it...

2006-11-30T04:50:00.000+08:00

depth of field: sch library's plant

2006-11-30T04:49:00.001+08:00

fast shutter: Guoren's bro

2006-11-30T04:49:00.000+08:00

depth of field: void deck series

2006-11-30T04:48:00.000+08:00

depth of field: void deck series

2006-11-30T04:47:00.000+08:00

Slow shutter: Yiren with his "powers" haha...

Web... Fishbone... Church... Friends...

2006-11-30T04:32:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since i last stepped into web. THE WARMTH THAT I'VE BEEN MISSING OUT ALL ALONG!!!!!!!! Haha, due to my business, haven't been attending web. I didn't realise i missed out on so many things. But yet, missing out makes u feel more belonging. Contradicting rite? Anyways, i'm really thankful that despite all that i'm going through in sch right now, i know that there's always a bunch of friends in church waiting for me, willing to listen to me and encourage me. If i don't have them and OF COURSE GOD, i don't think i'll be able to pull it through. It was He who gave me the passion and i'm gonna let it burn and SHINE like never before. Be it in my school work or in my walk with Him. I know, i've been neglecting things quite alot, but i really do hope u all will pray along with me as i take things step by step. I'm really grateful that God is with me along this journey. Bcos i'm starting to see fruits le. At least in the aspect of sch work. Yup. JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!

Really had fun these few days, had fishbone and all. Great help from friends too, for my project i mean. Giving me ideas and helping me to be my model. Pls enjoy the photos i've taken for my photography project. Will put in more next time. Like my drawing n stuff, as some of u do know that i suck in drawing... haha... Ok, think i'm writing rubbish. Cos my main motive was to upload the pics for viewing. Yup so that's all for now. BYE!!!! ENJOY!!!!

Daddy's fall

2006-09-06T17:45:00.000+08:00

4am, the time that was on the clock. "Galvin ah! GALVIN! AH VIN AH! VIN!!!" This was what i heard at 4am. My heard skipped a beat only to find daddy lying on the floor screaming for help. I was the first to react to his calling. Trying hard not to panic, i screamed at my bro for his help. He rushed to the toilet and immediately check if dad hit his head. Dad fell and his leg hit the sink. Thank God that he did hit his head, if not that will be really dangerous.

Help dad up and rubbed medical oil on his back. Went back to the room and immediately i broke down. The moment the flash through my brain when i saw daddy on the floor was horrifying. I thought i'm gonna loose another important person in my life. I cried for the next hour or so praying to God. Asking for His protection over my dad, my mom and my bro. If ever He was to take anyone away pls let it be me. At least i won't be hurt anymore. It's scary, that all this are always happening around you. Mom just got admitted to the hospital again. And again it's a sunday when we had dance and all.

Didn't get back to sleep bcos of the great shock that i had. Hopefully dad is fine and he won't hide anything from us. Still praying...

Ken Ogawa and Sports day at sentosa!

2006-08-05T13:59:00.000+08:00

Met up with a japanese youth this week. His name is Ken Ogawa. It's really a pleasure meeting him bcos all along i've been wanting to meet japanese of my age. Got to know alot from him. It's good to hear from a youth's point of view. Since all along i've been getting information from adults. Not that their's are not relevant, but it's also good to hear how youths in japan feel for themselves. Anyway, overall, i'm glad that Matt introduced him to me.

We had sports day in sentosa yesterday! Now i'm burnt! Haha... well, i caught up with some of my other friends in nafa, eg my year one orientation students and jin wen. Nicole went in with me as well, but she was sun tanning, so most of the time i was spending time with the others playing water activities. We kayaked and i capsized twice! It's the first time i ever capsized. Later we found out that the boat was filled with water, therefore it sinked as we rowed. But it was fun. Got to know the year ones better and it's good helping them and filling them in into nafa's lifestyle. Hopefully, they will enjoy themselves as they have to make their choices to specialised into a specific course. Alright that's all for now. :)

School stress...

2006-07-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

Yo! It's been a month since i last wrote anything here. Well, i should say that alot of interesting things happened. School started for about a month or so for me already. Met a bunch of a brand new wacky bunch of friends and lecturers. Yeah!

But then with all the happening n happiness there's still stressed. And i mean stress that is still present... haha going to be in the asylum soon. No la, cos alot of work is on hand now n lots of project to complete. Pretty difficult for me to manage my time properly. I guess i'll try to write more in details soon. Cos rite now i gotta go back to work.

Orientation week :)

2006-05-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a enjoyment for the past few days. When holidays started i got a job at an events company. It's not bad, but as the day goes by it get kind of boring, bcos day in and out i'm doing the same thing and that is calling unknown ppl and ask if they have events. Anyway, school will be starting soon and for this week i've been very busy and happy at the same time.

Helped out in orientation this week. Made a few new friends and most of them are from SPA, finally i know ppl from School of performing arts. Today was their orientation day and i followed the dance group. It's pretty small, but really interesting. Bcos almost everyone comes from different back ground. They have to come up with a talent show and yes they did their dance. It was really cool. First thing was bcos they had a mixed style, chinese, modern, pop and hip hop. Then they came up with steps with like just 30mins which is quite amazing. I took it down on my phone though. Think i'll show it to Nicole this coming sun or sat la. It will be quite cool.

Ok i'll update till here first cos there's more to come tml. See ya! :)

Feeling blue..

2006-04-28T18:13:00.000+08:00

I don't like this kind of feeling... i've been feeling blue lately. I don't know y. Alot of things happened lately. I guess it's really coming. Everything seems so wrong. How i wish it's so easy forgetting about things that upset u. It's not that i don't want... but it just comes back again n again. I'm really thankful that God is here with me all the time. I can't imagine if i'm not a believer. Where will i be? Wasting my life away i guess. Or maybe sucidal? No idea. I'm thankful... really am.

But amongst all these feelings i have my time of happiness too. Sch was great!! I mean i could consider nafa my home. I literally spend all five days in sch all the way up to 11pm at night. Doing my work, hanging out with friends. I mean nafa taught me lots of things beyond design i guess. It's really fun. The lecturer seems to be more caring than any body else in this world. I mean when i hurt my back, my lecturer was so caring towards me. Time and time again reminding me to be careful n stuff. They r also very helpful with our sch work. Though sometimes some lecturers can get all scarastic. But i think that's for our own good.

Alot of things happened. N i mean alot. I'm really gonna miss them. As we r all going to be year 2 soon. So hoping that we won't split up. I love u all! I mean 1G u're the best mates i could ever have! :)

lead fly away

2006-04-07T18:39:00.000+08:00

Lead

2006-04-07T18:14:00.000+08:00

YEAH! I love you tube. u get to see all my favourite mtv. Now this video is featuring my favourite boy band in jap, called lead. Title called show me the way. Enjoy!

WaT

2006-04-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

Hello, just trying this out... don't know whether it works or not. Anyway if it does, this video is featuring my favourite duo from japan called WaT. They are so KAWAII desu. Haha... enjoy!

2006-04-01T02:12:00.001+08:00

Tan Ah Gao n Mr M

2006-04-01T02:12:00.000+08:00

Mr M n his girls...

2006-04-01T02:11:00.001+08:00

the "liu lian" kings in action!

2006-04-01T02:11:00.000+08:00

Is this ah goon or ah soon? haha can't remember

2006-04-01T02:05:00.001+08:00

tim n the rest on stage... acting as swat members

2006-04-01T02:05:00.000+08:00

Zephy, me, tim n mark

2006-04-01T02:04:00.001+08:00

Tim and bro

2006-04-01T02:04:00.000+08:00

tim posing for his shot

ACS Drama

2006-04-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

Went to watch ACS centre stage performance today. It was pretty cool, only like the play that tim's in. Not that bcos he's in it (part of the reason i gotta say), but frankly, it's pretty obvious they will win the competition. The Volt is a cool skit with great actors in it. N the plot, the cheorography n everything was well prepared. Really must appluad the student's who r involved in it. The rest was pretty cool, but quite sad. Don't know y nowadays youths tend to like dirty jokes so much. Can't stand it. Espicially the second play, i was almost tempted to walk out of the auditorium. Anyway i'm really glad that it ended halfway. Too bad. Anyway, will be uploading some pics for u guys to see. Ja!

2006-03-24T20:36:00.000+08:00

Nan Ming n Me

2006-03-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

Me and Yani( my gd friend in class) :)

2006-03-24T20:33:00.001+08:00

Ming Xian, Me and LiBin

2006-03-24T20:33:00.000+08:00

us n our lecturer Patrick

2006-03-24T20:27:00.000+08:00

Me, Ray and mx

2006-03-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

my class version of tao pok?!?

2006-03-24T20:25:00.000+08:00

Busy doing work

2006-03-24T20:24:00.001+08:00

Andrew's piece of art

2006-03-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

Raymond's piece of art

2006-03-24T20:23:00.001+08:00

yani n edmond

2006-03-24T20:23:00.000+08:00

opps!

2006-03-24T20:22:00.001+08:00

Paga at work

2006-03-24T20:22:00.000+08:00

Ah Gong's piece of art

2006-03-24T20:21:00.000+08:00

Guess who is Gavin drawing? :)

Class 1G

2006-03-24T20:05:00.000+08:00

Today's lesson was nothing much, we did our abstract drawing on human faces and had lots of fun taking pictures. Really like this class a lot. I mean they all have their own personality but we kinda bond together. At least they sincerely mean what they say and don't do things otherwise. I'm really thankful that i'm in 1G. People here r all so nice. Nothing to complain. N soon, we'll all be going seperate ways again i think. That is if we'll have to swtich classes again. Hopefully not. But meanwhile, i'm just gonna take lots of pictures with them... Yup! :)

Hospital visit..

2006-03-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

The past few weeks have been great. Went for conferences and shared with different of my friends my testimony. It was a God filled week. Really enjoyed myself. Got a chance to catch up with some of my friends n met new ppl too. I'm really glad. :)

Anyway, went to the hospital today. Did my normal check up n stuff. Went to haemotology center today to collect my medicine. It's been quite some time since i stepped into that place. Normally, i don't get to see any cancer patients, but today i saw a few. Bump into one in the toilet. It kind of suprise me to put it in nicer term. Was in a very joyful mood today, but after i saw her, my heart was sadden.

She looked really pale, but still strong enough to go the the toilet herself. I think she's been through the process of cheamo, cos her hair was obviously dropping. At that moment i didn't know what i was doing, i just stared at her n in the end i smiled at her. Than when i came out of the loo, there were another 2 more female cancer patient. They were sitting on the wheel chair n look really lost. I think they were waiting for something, cos there wasn't any ppl attending to them.

As i walked out of the room, i ask dad, what if one day i become like them. His reply was not to mention that. cos it will definately sadden his heart. I mean it just came to my mind. I could be like them anytime. And than this song came. Only by grace. I was reminded that only by God's grace my life was save. Only by grace was i able to attend sch n have so many friends n the best part of all is to dance for Him. I mean i could be like them, feeling lost n aimless. But God has something different for me. N i'm thankful for that. It doesn't mean that i won't be like them, but what i'm really sure is that when i become really ill, i'll know that i have my Lord as my strength and refuge. That i can still smile at ppl n let them know that i don't bring any sorrow along with me when i go through all the session in the hospital. I wanna thank God. I'm really at peace. :)

15 Feb

2006-02-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

It's been a year... Grandma's gone for a year already... Yup this is the date when we lost her. Coming to think about it, i feel rather sad now. It's gonna be a year since my mom fell too... Hai...

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T11:12:00.000+08:00

It's the time of the year again... I think i'm gonna bla alot on how time flies by really fast again. Well, it's another year that i spend alone... but i'm thankful i still can celebrate it with my family. Dad will be cooking for the family today. Looking forward to it.

Something happened yesterday. Was really angry with someone... if u wanna know who come ask me. But after much prayer and reading God's word. I was feeling so much better. It's the first time i spend 35mins to do QT. I guess i had lots to tell the Lord. Didn't feel exactly happy yesterday. I guess it's due to lots of issues. Top it up with what happened. I nearly blow. I'm really glad that God sees me through everyday of my life.

This week i'm gonna be real busy. Have to rush for assessments like mad. Actually i had finish doing quite a few of them. But still left my photoshop, DTP and design drawing. Hopefully i'll be able to do a great job. I've made a promise with God... In a sense, i strive to be the very best, not for myself but for His glory. That through my work n actions in sch i'll be a testimony for Him. Kinda feeling pretty disappointed with myself this year. Cos i haven't really been myself i think. Like i'm more concern with my outer appearance than my inner self. Didn't show God's love around my peers this year like i did last year. I guess i need to do better. I really hope that my friends will like me bcos i have God with me n nothing else. I want them to know what he did for me n my family. But somehow, i don't know where to start. Pls pray for me if u're reading this now.

As for my jap class, it's getting tougher now plus the fact that i seriously have no time for revision. But what i'm happy is that i finally got to make a friend in class. Her name is evelyn. N i'm really excited to know her a little better. Hope to meet her up soon. N i'll soon have a partner to revise my jap with. Like having a proper jap conversation. N hopefully in due time to tell her the true reason of y i wanna learn japanese. Yup!

Will write again tml... Bye!

Rain down...

2006-01-24T19:24:00.000+08:00

It was the very first time i actually cried on a bus... was listening to my mp3 and reflecting my thoughts for the past few weeks. Was really looking forward to this year, but it didn't seem like any difference at all. Mom's back to in and out of hospital again... I didn't know how to feel. It's all kinda like a mixed up world right now. Cried myself to bed many times... tried sharing it with friends and tell them i'm ok... but seriously, i'm not. I'm not as strong as what u see i am. What can i do except for looking up to Him? I don't think it's a matter of trusting Him anymore, bcos it's all about Jesus n not me. What if God decided to take my life or even mom's life away? I'm always reminded that my life journey is very much like Job. But come to think of it, Dad is more like Job. I'm suppose to be a little Ester n not Job. I don't know... not till today...

As i was reflecting on the bus, many bad thoughts came into mind. I was talking to Him and telling Him that i'm physically tired n emotionally n spiritually stressed out. Till a point i don't know what to say anymore... than the song "Rain down" by planet shakers was played on my mp3. It's kinda ironic, i always neglect the lyrics of this song n when it was my birthday, i was equally feeling bad n all n the same song was being played... but not until today, the lyrics was jaring at me. Every word seems to speak of what i really wanted to say to Him.

Went for the cre8tive seminar on sat at corner stone. The speakers, David, andrew and jon were previously from hillsongs, planetshakers and i don't know what... They were touching on the topic of worship. And one of the key factor was about pain. I was pretty confused of what does pain gotta go with worship. But when andrew spoke i cried. He shared about his testimony about his wife, ministry n the physical pain that he went through when he had an accident. He was going though exactly the same situation with me. In a sense we're all hurt, in pain, lonely... N he told us that it is only through pain, we'll be broken. N when we r broken b4 God, we'll be able to bring out the purest of worship. N that is what i experienced today. I finally understood what is worship. It doesn't matter whether u're good or not, or whether there's great music. All it matter is the heart n whether u connected with Him.

Through that song, i worshipped Him. It was first time in a long long while that i actually felt free. No more load on my shoulder. Though it's only during that time, i'm thankful i had spent that moment with my abba father. I know i'm loved. I felt it, i see it. I wanna thank you God for everything that's happened. Thank you for always using time that is out of my QT with u. Thank you so so much... i love u too. :)

Rain Down

I am falling to my knees
I need you Lord to breathe in me
My prayer is still the same
My heart is calling out your name

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in your embrace

Rain down on me
rain down on me
Here in your presence i am free
Pour down like rain
come touch me again
Lord let your presence fall on me

I'm longing just to see
Your power and your majesty

Sweet anointing fill this place
I am found in your embrace

Sweet anointing wash me over(x2)

(repeat)

Updates

2006-01-19T13:04:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging due to sch n all... pretty busy now. Got tons of work to complete and plus the fact my japanese course has started. Mom was also amitted to the hospital too, but she's fine now n back at home once again. I didn't know how to feel at first when i receive the msg that she's been hospitalised again... B4 that we had service n i talked to sue about things at home n at sch. Wasn't feeling very happy about alot of things. A mixture of feelings i guess... but i'm glad that God was with me all the way

right now i'm like super bored. haviing class now... but every software kind of have the same functions n i'm super tired. yesterday during my jap class, my left hand went totally numb n can't feel a thing. Thank God that mom did some massarge for me... hehe must be wondering how rite? well, she has her ways. :p But bcos of that i've gotta carry my bag on my right shoulder n i'm not used to that... so right now my right arm is aching... I WANNA GO SEE SENSEI! i'll write to here only... cos hands r hurting... bye!

Serene...

2006-01-08T02:02:00.000+08:00

Yeah!!! After what seems forever serene is finally coming back for a visit!!!! I'm so excited now that i can't sleep...she'll touch down in singapore in a few hours time... can't wait to see her n tell her all that had happened... YEAH!!!!

Class...

2006-01-06T01:11:00.000+08:00

Well, it's already friday. For the past two days lessons were ok. On wednesday we had typography, pretty cool... get to experiment different kind of style using just letters to potray different emotions. Than we had hva tutorial... no more ms quek( so sad...) haha don't know whether he's nice n all or not, but heard from some friends he's ok la... haha... Than on thursday, we had hva lecture n 2D animation... I like my 2D animation teacher. She's super nice... n she's shy n all, like our friend... Get to create our own character using just simple shapes like circle, square, etc... After that went to the museum with libin n the rest.

Got to know Andrew and Hendy a little better... at least we won't feel akward talking to one another anymore... though sometimes, we kinda don't know what we're talking about. But than, they r really nice ppl, cos i believe language is definately not an issue here. Went home with andrew for the past two days, didn't talk much on the bus, cos personally i'm too tired from the moving house n all... I'm so glad it's gonna come to an end soon... I PROMISE MYSELF NEXT TIME WHEN I HAVE MY OWN HOUSE, I'LL NEVER NEVER MOVE OUT OF IT!!! It's so tiring... feeling kinda off too...

Saw Kor today... was really very happy, but he kinda like didn't want to talk to me... so i was kinda feeling sad after that, but good thing was that i went to have lunch together with libin's friends n i've met stanley, titus n sheena. They r really nice too... I mean open n all don't mind me joining in their conversation even though i'm not from their class. Well, looking forward to tml's lunch meeting with Libin, andrew, hendy and yani... Nitez!

First day of sch again...

2006-01-03T23:41:00.000+08:00

Wasn't really looking forward to the first day of sch, but afterall, it's pretty cool... Got to know a few more ppl, Hendy, Andrew, Yani and Mujid. The first two guy's from indonesia... so happy to know them. Talked to them abit, didn't really talk alot today cos wasn't really in the mood to make new friends, but they r really fun. Only had lunch with them n exchanged phone numbers.

Anyway, really missed alot of ppl... esp Kor. Ah!! It's like so boring... The class is pretty quite, not like 1x, when the first day of sch, ppl were already talking n having fun n all... Guess this class takes time to break the ice. Plus the fact that we were sitting in icey cold computer labs all day long... didn't get a chance to interact. Those friends that i made today were all Libin's friend, so kinda link up some other ppl too...

Got to meet 2 of my lecturers today too... One is super vaugler... didn't really like him... haha first impression, but as i listen to him more, i found out he's quite a joker. Very fun personality too, like it when they r frank with us about what they like n what they didn't like. N my second lecture is ok, but she's pretty soft... thank God i have no hearing problems... cos apparently all my friends couldn't hear her n half the time they were asking me what she's talking about. She taught us how to use freehand mx... it's a pretty cool programme... guess i'll need to download it into my comp soon... lots of programmes that i don't have in my comp one. Well, gotta go sleep now... looking forward to my second day in sch!~

2006-01-02T14:46:00.000+08:00

Me and the guys...

2006-01-02T14:45:00.002+08:00

Agape messengers