I went for my bone marrow test on 2 April. This time round it's my 2nd time doing a bone marrow test without sedation. Praise God! I was quite awed by myself too. Cos i didn't feel a bit of fear at all. All through out the day i was feeling rather peaceful... I thank God for His faithfulness and His extra portion of grace and love for me. :)

I remembered how much i actually fear going through a bone marrow test, and how i'll wake up at night crying about it. I would be lying to you if i said it's not painful, cos IT IS and it does hurt ALOT! But it's the endurance or may i say your threshold to pain whether it's high or low. But i managed to pull through twice... yes TWICE of the procedure without sedation. It's only by His grace alone...



This is what i normally do before a bone marrow test (that was when i need to be sedated...) they set a plug on my hand, so they can inject the sedative into me and normally by the time i count to 3, i'm totally knocked out. Haha... but then again, i don't need them now, so i'll just go straight to the room and lay by my side and wait for the doctor to "detect" the position of my bone marrow (most of the times is at the hip bone area) then they will clean the area and proceed with whatever they need to do.

Well, alot of ppl ask me, exactly how long and thick is the needle used for bone marrow test? I didn't have the courage to ask or even see the equipment used all these years... But i had no idea y, i did on 2 April. I asked my coordinator Melissa exactly how long the needle was and how thick it was. After she described to me, i was rather shocked. Wanna see the pic? Haha, pls be prepared, cos when i showed some of my friends, they were stunned for a moment.

here's the instruction board...


here's the size of the needle...


are you shocked? well i was, when i first saw it. But then again, i'm quite relieved. At least i've clarify all the myths about bone marrow. Some of my friends will tell me that it's actually the size of those bubble tea straws and all, i mean, it's SO HUGE, so i was scared to ask. But now we know... those things that u watch on TV might not always be true. They do it and DRAMATIZE everything, so ppl will feel for the patients.

Here's a video on the process... the needle in this video seems a little short, a bit different from mine... i think the ones used in singapore is a little longer then this...



Anyway, so here's an entry to educate some of you on bone marrow... next time i'll be sharing more on my trips to the hospital too... :)

I guess i'll be doing some updates of some past events that i feel is pretty significant to me for the past few months, it's just that i never had the time to do so... but well here it goes...

JJ's Concert 2009...
How was it you ask? Well, great wouldn't be a good enough word to use. It was more than great, it was a living testimony that i've witness myself that day.

I've always been a fan of JJ Lin, some of you would have known, and frankly, i've NEVER blogged about him before. I've seen many 小妹妹 writing about him and about the past events on their own blogs and i feel that i'm too old for that... And one of the many reasons y i don't write about him is bcos i don't want ppl to mistaken that i'm idolizing him.

I have to make things clear, i might seem way too eager sometimes (or maybe many times) when it comes to his events. Like i can devote my time to do things for him or for the fanclub. There were many times i asked myself, why? and is it worth it? i didn't know the answer... and sometimes, i would even ask God, am i really idolizing him? It's hard to draw the line, that's what my brother always tell me, but deep down, i know i'm supporting him because of what he has done for me... though not knowingly.

I remembered, when i was first diagnosed with leukemia, i had to take interferon and the side effects of the medication was really bad. Prayer and worship was the only thing that i could do at that time to released my pain. But there was one particular night that i couldn't sleep, and no matter how my mom prayed or sang to me, nothing worked. Till i heard JJ's 翅膀 on the radio.

"用你给我的翅膀飞 我懂这不是伤悲 再高都不会累 我们都说好了
用你给我的翅膀飞 我感觉己够安慰 乌云也不再多 我们也不为谁掉眼泪"

Somehow, i don't know why, i felt peaceful and i slept soundly after that. It was then, i started taking notice of JJ.

Down the road, alot of you know that i've met with many trials. My mom, she became sick and fell really ill. She can't talk, can't walk, can't eat. I've lost someone whom i can communicate with. Though she's physically there, but it's always hard to look at her and ask "mommy, are you ok? are you feeling better?" but all the responce i get is a blank stare. It breaks my heart everytime seeing her like that. It was then this song came...

"我突然觉得有点怕 爱跟生活的一切 你以为我知道怎么拆开 我们的想法落差
我的爱 是说停不能停 已经弄的不能说是曾经
也可说出我是错的 爱未曾变成真的
也没藏到多少你需要的爱
我不再去执拙我是谁 我是我在夜里掉的眼泪
也可说我看不开的 为你我能做的 竟还没让你相信是爱情 左右你我"

I was scared. Scared of losing everything, losing control. I didn't know what to do, but when i heard this song, i was reminded that i was not alone. God knows how to speak through songs even though it's secular music...

And most importantly through JJ, i got to meet a bunch of really really good friends. They were there when i'm happy, and when i'm sad. They know how to cheer me up. Through them i got a little note from JJ himself... it said "Dear Dorothy, May you be filled with smiles and love everyday. 加油！" Seriously, he didn't have to, bcos he doesn't know who i am. But he still did. And it was this little note that helped me pull through the difficult times. I still have it up on my wall, it acts as a reminder for myself.

The concert this year was really special for me. When JJ did his opening song, i suspected that there's something wrong with his voice. He couldn't hit the high keys and seems to be very tired. After which, he shared with us that indeed his throat is not feeling well and that before the concert, he lost his voice totally. He even needs to go to the hospital to check it out. He mobilized his church to pray for him. Praise God that his voice came back that night.

After sharing a bit, he continued his performance. This concert was also a celebration for his birthday. It's a birthday gift that he gave himself. So as a birthday surprise, his family members decided to perform together with him. The moment i saw aunty, uncle and jj's bro on stage each holding on to a different instrument, i cried. Why? Cos i was reminded of something that my dad and mom always say. "How we wish we could perform on stage together with our two kids one day..." Sorry mommy, sorry daddy, we cannot help you fufill your dream...

It was a touching moment. To see aunty playing the pipa and uncle playing the erhu with jj's bro on the piano. It was as though JJ is fufilling the wish that my dad and mom has. My tears couldn't stop flowing the ache in my heart wouldn't go away, but the other part of me was really happy. Happy because i was able to see y mom and dad wants to perform together as a family.

After that segment, JJ went into his solo segment. Just the piano and his voice. There was a part where he started sharing inbetween songs, about how he is afraid of losing confidence and hope, because there was a point in time that he faced that reality. He was afraid, therefore he prayed more fervently and he is thankful that God saw him through the darkest moments in life. When he shared that there was a loud AMEN! that came from the crowd. Again, i felt God's love for me through his sharing... I cried again, but this time, it was tears of comfort. Cos i know there's nothing to fear. Just like JJ's smudge tee says... which also comes from Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

All in all, the concert was really a night to remember. I'm thankful. Thankful that God is so real in so many of our lives. So thankful that i met JJ and so thankful for his music. Like the movie that i watched. There's a quote that keeps ringing "No music, No dream". Without God, we are nothing... Without JJ's music, alot of the JMs in this world have already lost hope.

JJ's music is a tool that God is using to reach out to many. It gives hope, it brings love and friendships together. I'm proud to be a fan of JJ Lin. Just like i'm proud to be a child of God. He is my brother in Christ and together we are warriors of God. :) Hope my explanation is clear enough... cos i just wanna share what i feel... :)

Here's some pictures... taken from www.omy.sg


I will be posting some videos up too once i'm done uploading them onto youtube... :)